Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The "C" Word

The "C" word. You know that word that we all struggle with? That word that is hard to hear and even harder to do? It's the one thing in a TTWD or D/s relationship that you can't live without....yup you guessed it..........

If you read my blog yesterday you will know that Mr. D and I didn't have such a great evening.

I was embarrassed.

I was really pissed off.

I was even more disappointed.

I came to blogland to vent.

You said I need to communicate.

You said that he's human. 

You said he's not perfect.

You said he's going to make mistakes.
WHAT!'s true! He is human, he's not perfect and he did make a mistake. Thank you all so kindly for pointing that out!

Does that mean I don't love him......HELL NO! In fact, I think I love him even more today than I did the day before.

I took your advice and I Communicated! It took me a while to open up, and he didn't push. He let me be mad and just left me alone. We went to bed last night not talking which we both hate. But I was so mad and disappointed at him last night I really didn't want to talk to him. And I don't think he really knew what to say, so he left it alone.

I didn't know what to say. I was afraid that if I started talking I would not use my brain-to-mouth filter. I would be rude, mean and disrespectful. I just didn't think me talking would help the matter any. So I did what I do best and said nothing. He did what he does best, doesn't push and just kind of paces around and tries to talk to me. I stay quiet and he just gives up.

He tried again this morning. He called me at work but I just wasn't ready to talk. We ended the conversation and that was that. He called me later and now I was ready to talk. I had a bus full of students so I couldn't raise my voice or act like a fool. I think it was better that way. I had to stay in control and watch what I said.

I told him pretty much what I wrote in my last blog. He agreed with me...said he was disappointed in himself as well. (go can say I told ya so!) He said that he let the struggle of the game just keep building up and building up....then our son "got hurt" and that was it. He's not sure what happened, he just saw red and reacted.

Mr. D hasn't done this in a very long time. It kind of took him by surprise too. I didn't know this, but when we got home he text one of the coaches and apologized to him for the way he acted. The coach was accepting of his apology and said they (the team and other coach) loved our son and would never do anything to intentionally hurt him.

It's amazing what a little communication, some writing and really good advice can do for you! I really feel much better now that we have talked about it. I am so proud of him for understanding what he did. I'm even more proud of him that he regrets it and wishes it had never happened. I am proud of him that he sees his mistake and doesn't want it to happen again. In the past that would have NEVER happened.

He is human, he's not perfect and he will make mistakes! And I love him more and more!

For those of you that made comments, you don't know how much I appreciated your input and helping me see a different side to it. I truly value all of your opinions. I don't think I could get through TCTWD (This Crazy Thing We Do) without all of you. You all are so supportive and even though I might not want to hear usually don't sugar coat things. Thank you so much!

Subrina <3


  1. First off, I am sad to read that you two went to bed not really speaking to each other. Might I suggest Mr. D figure out a rule so this does not happen. Even if it is simply you having to tell Him good night, love you, and a kiss. Something.

    Now, I am so SUPER proud of you! You gave Him space, He gave you space. You knew if you were to talk you would not be able to keep in what you felt at the moment. That you were afraid of being disrespectful, etc. KUDOS! You have come very far. He has come far in the fact He realized you needed that additional space and didn't press you the next day to talk to Him. Make sure you thank Him for realizing that your need at the moment was essentially a 'time out' and that He gave it to you.

    1. Thank you HS for the suggestion. He reads my blog so im going to leave that up to him to make that a rule. It really was sad.....neither one us said ANYTHING to each other since we left the park :( No goodnight, i love you....nothing. we both just rolled over and went to sleep.

      Thank you for the "kudos". We have really come far anf this little bump in the road just showed us how far! And i will thank him!!

  2. I am so happy and proud of you, lol. :) Very awesome!

  3. I'm so happy it's all over with! I could really see how this could turn into a week long affair, well in this house it could have been :).

    1. Thank you, me too! In the past that's exactly what would have happened! But thanks to TTWD it only lasted a day.

  4. Good for you, its frustrating isnt it really because even though it can be difficult at times to get it all out and communicate....deep down one knows its really all for the just never pays to keep things in...she says being very guilty of doing just that lol


    1. Thank you tori....I couldn't agree more. Thanks for your comment!

  5. Subrina, I am so happy you have been able to communicate and work through this together. That is awesome. Wonderful how he has taken responsibility for his actions by apologising to the coach etc as well and that you can both see how far you have come.

    I also totally agree with HS above and am proud of you too :)


    1. Thank you so much Roz for the support. I really cant believe how far we've come and the changes we've made. Its amazing!

  6. Everybody makes mistakes. I think you did a good thing giving space to each other - this is important, space is needed for things to come to their place.