Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American friends. I hope you all enjoy the day with family and friends. I have so much to be thankful for. My family is healthy and happy. We all get to spend the day together. And I have all of you that give me so much support.

I hope after all of the food is eaten, the desserts are done and everyone is safe and sound at home, you find the key to your lock! Then you will have something else to be thankful for!

If you do not celebrate this day......please stop reading this and unlock the lock already!!!

Dominic and Subrina <3

Friday, November 22, 2013

Happy Birthday

Today is Mr. D's birthday. He loves his birthdays, just as if it were Christmas. His mom has always made a big deal about all of their birthdays. I, on the other hand was not raised like that. My birthday was really just another day. I mean she did buy me presents but that was about it. It was not a big hoopla.

I have a hard time making a big deal when it's his birthday. I know it's not fair to him, especially because he loves this day. Tonight we are all going out to dinner. Him and I, our 3 boys, the girlfriends and his mom. He is picking the restaurant, which happens to be my favorite, so I'm excited. I'm sure we will have a great time. We are a really close family and usually have fun when we hang out! I will give him his present later tonight.......

Mr. D.........I want to wish you a very happy birthday. I am so glad that you picked me to share your life with. You are my life, my world, the air that I breathe and I'm so excited to share many more birthdays with you.

I Love You
Happy Birthday My Love!

Subrina <3

Monday, November 18, 2013

I Trust Him

I don't know where to begin. I am feeling weird. I have been feeling like this for a couple of days. I can't explain what I'm feeling or how I'm feeling. I just know that I'm not feeling like I normally do.

This past weekend Mr. D and I went to our middle sons band competition. At these comps we have quite a bit of time to ourselves, as long as our little one doesn't go with us. Mr. D and I got into an argument on the way to the was about an hour drive. He ALWAYS complains about this but He was bitching about my driving and I kind of snapped at him. I felt he was attacking me. If I can make up an excuse.....I think Aunt Flo is about to rear her ugly head and I get very emotional.

We get to the comp not really speaking to each other. My feelings are hurt and I'm mad. He's mad because I yelled at him. We are cordial to each other during the comp....about 3+ hours. We are walking back to the car and he says "hey" and he wants me to stop. We are standing on the corner.

"I want to apologize to you. I wasn't complaining but you worry me."

I just stared at him. I never said a word, I just looked up at him and listened. He went on to tell me that he worries about me. I take a lot of chances and drive a little crazy. I finally spoke and told him that I drive no different than I always have. For some reason he now is scared.

We didn't really resolve anything but I did appreciate him apologizing. We drove home, he slept and I had my own little concert in the car! We got home really late. We both got undressed and knocked out.

On Sunday I slept almost the whole day. I'm not sure if I slept because I was feeling kind of sad, mad, upset, depressed or because I think that stupid bitch is coming for a visit! Either way, he pretty much left me alone and let me do my thing. I didn't even get on the computer yesterday. That's when you know there is something wrong!!

He's been bugging me as to what is wrong. I have a hard time telling him when I'm not even sure myself. What do I say? Today we talked and he admitted some pretty heavy stuff. I'm not sure he wants me to share but the role reversals and changes have really made an impact.

It seems the more control I give up, the more he takes. (isn't that what's supposed to happen) Which is what I wanted.  But I think it has him a little nervous. He is so used to living "wherever the day takes me". Now he is taking responsibility for things, he is making decisions and it scares the hell out him. I think he is feeling vulnerable and not sure what to do with that.

On the other side of it.....the more he takes control, the more I give up. When we were talking today I realized that I am acting different. I am acting like "wherever the day takes me" and he is the one in control, he's safe, he's conservative, he's somewhat calculated. I, on the other hand, am living a little more on the edge, a little more wild, a little more free. And it's scaring the hell out of me (and him too!)

The shift in our relationship is very noticeable. Well, I think it is! I feel like I can give up more control because I know he is going to be there to keep me safe, to protect me, to make sure everything is ok. I trust him. WOW....did I just say that out loud? Holy shit! I. trust. him! I. TRUST. him! I trust HIM! OMG that feels so amazing to say and believe it! I really do trust him!

In the past, I didn't feel that. I didn't trust him. I wasn't able to let go and live. I wasn't able to feel secure enough to let go. Now, I feel like I can do that. Now I feel like I can be wild and free and .......still feel safe!

oh my gawd...............




Subrina <3

Thursday, November 14, 2013


Since we started this lifestyle i have noticed changes. Changes in us. Sometimes the changes are so subtle i wonder if we have changed at all. Other times the changes are so blatant it smacks you right in the face.
TTWD changes your relationship or dynamic. It brings a deeper connection to him. It makes you look deep inside yourself. It makes you realize who you are, good or bad (I will get back to this....stay with me) and what makes you tick.
Mr. D has really put in an effort to be the Sir i want him to be. Whatever that not even sure myself. We have many years of relationship habits that we are trying to change. Its not always easy. But he does it. Everything i have asked of him so far, he has either tried, has made the changes or is trying to change. i may not get what i want when i want it....but i do get it......eventually!
Last night he decided he was going to pull out his Dom-HOH card. He said that i was going to suck his dick.
Ok problem! i love pleasing him!
Now you all know that when you suck his dick, it not only gets him hot, but it does something to you too. The more i can make him growl, the more i can make him grab my hair and move me where he wants me, the more i can make his toes curl.....the wetter i get.
Right ladies? Who's with me?
I suck his dick until he cums. He goes to the bathroom to clean up. He climbs back in bed, gives me a kiss and says "good girl". I know you will all understand this....those two little words will make you weak in the knees. Isn't that what we live for....those two little words with a big meaning?

OK my turn!

He turns on the tv and starts watching it.

WHOA! WHOA! Wait.....what's going on? Hello? Over here....wet......happy.....ready.......good girl......remember?
And ladies and gentleman here lies the problem.
Submission isn't about me. It isn't about what I want. It isn't about when I want it. It isn't about what he can do for me. But yet, here I am being as selfish as possibly can be. I follow another blog and she has posted that she isn't allowed to use I or me. At first I didn't understand, I just read her blog and gave support when I could. But now.....I get it! I totally get why that is her rule. This journey is not all about me. (I hope I can remember this when I'm acting bratty)
I talked to him this morning while I was at work. I told him I was mad when I went to bed last night. He chuckled and asked why. I knew he knew why I was mad. I said it was because I missed a show I wanted to watch. He knew that was a lie...I don't watch tv. He said he knew why I was mad, but last night was about him and for him.
I didn't say anything else about it. But all day at work I thought about it. I thought how selfish I was. How selfish I acted. Why couldn't I just do something for him? Not want anything in return. Why did I have to get something in return? Wasn't it enough to just please him? Why am I so selfish?

I am an only child. I am the oldest grandchild by 4 years. I have always had things handed to me and done for me. During our entire marriage Mr. D continued that pattern. He has always been so good to me and treated me like a princess. I am used to getting my way. I am used to him giving in to me.

Last night he didn't. I was mad. But more than being mad at him I had so much respect for him and I was so proud of him. My va jay jay wasn't to happy but my heart was beyond ecstatic. He told me that he really wanted to give in to me, he knew I was wet and wanting. But he needed to show his dominance. He needed to show change.

 Subrina <3

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Love Our Lurkers

Happy LOL Day!!
I started this as many of you have. I would read the blogs but never comment. Then one day I decided to come out from the shadows and comment. I was scared and nervous. What if they didn't accept me? what if they judged me? What if my family and real life friends found out?
What if?
I finally decided to post a comment and I'm so glad I did. This community is so accepting, so embracing and they never judge anyone.
I have made some great friendships here. I have got some really good advice and great support. It always amazes me that people are interested in my life, but i truly appreciate all that read my blog.
I love meeting new people. I love reading your comments. If you read my blog and havent commented, today is your day! Just say "hi"! I dont bite, i promise! Who knows, it might be the start of a great friendship!!
Happy Lurkers Day. I trully appreciate all of you!!
Subrina <3

UH OH Results

If you read the post before this you know that I missed my 11:30 text. Mr. D did not miss that I missed it. He called me on his lunch and let me know he was fully aware of the missed text.

Oh man.....I'm in trouble!

I was really conflicted on how I felt about it.

On one hand I was so excited that he noticed and was calling me out on it. He was being the HOH that I have been asking for. He was sticking to his guns. He was acting like he was going to follow through with this. He seemed like he had full intentions on spanking me.

On the other hand I was hoping that he would forget. OK actually my ass was hoping he would forget and just give in to me. If he was serious and had intentions of following through with this, that meant I was getting spanked.

I was so torn about trying to get out of this. I so wanted to put on my pouty face, bat my eyes at him, and raise up my halo. I knew I could talk him out of this and would get my way. I got this! But then this voice in my head was screaming shut up! You wanted this, you asked for this......own up to it and take what you got coming to you.

Mr. D came home and I was asleep.......remember my nap!! He let me sleep and went about doing what he does. He was cooking dinner when I finally woke up. I went to the kitchen to say hi and see if he needed help. We finished cooking and then ate dinner. Neither one of us brought up the elephant in the room.

Dinner was over and I went back to our bedroom. I was still tired from my nap and laid down on the bed. I grabbed my phone and was reading my emails. When he comes in the door I was reading the comments from some of you on my UH OH post. I was laughing out loud (thank you Misty and HS!!) and Mr. D comes in the room and grins at me. He sits down on the bed. I immediately go to him and want to lay with him, on his chest.

He's not buying it!

"Are you ready?"

I don't know why, but I felt this was the time to show him one of the comments that said
"Honestly, Mr. D, lay into her ass! She needs it. Don't let her fool you or talk you out of it."

He didn't read beyond those words. He smiled and handed me my phone back. Got up off the bed and asked again if I was ready.

Do I play stupid? Do I try and talk my way out of this? Can I try and be cute?

"You now you missed your text today and you know what that means?"

*as cute as I can be* "I love you baby!"

*chuckling* "I love you too. Now come over here and kneel over the bed"

"But baby I love you" *he knows exactly what I'm doing*

"Subrina....get over here now"

The whole time this is going on I am giggling and he is really trying to hide his smile. We are both kind of laughing but trying to get through it. It is still very awkward for both of us. But he seems to be sticking to it.

I him and hah about it, telling him I don't want to do this.

"!" and he points to the floor by the bed

I kind of roll around the bed and finally get on the floor.

He says he's going to give me 2 spankings because I missed my text today. I was shaking my head and telling him no, I didn't want to do this.

Two? That's it? WOW I'm getting off easy....SWEET!

He put his hand on my back and then...............



I just kind of sat there for a few seconds and then crawled up the bed. He laid down next to me and I laid on his chest. He held me and asked if I was ok.

I was ok.

I was more than ok.

I know I said this the last time but it still baffles me. I feel completely at peace. I feel so much closer to him. I feel so calm and I don't know how to explain it.

I have read from some of you that when you get a spanking it's like a reset. I never understood what it meant. I could never wrap my brain around it.

Until now!

I get it! I understand it! I get bratty, disrespectful, trying to do things my own way, trying to top from the bottom. And then he steps up and takes care of things, of me.

Now I have been "reset" and I can't tell you how strange, peaceful, and calm I feel. Not to mention how much closer or more connected I feel to him. After it happened, I just laid in his arms, listening to him talk. Not really understanding what he was saying, but just listening to him. I felt like I was floating. I have this tingling feeling all over. I felt like I was drunk!

Can TTWD really be this good? Is it possible to keep getting better? Is it possible to keep feeling closer to him? Just when I think he's not stepping up or being what I want him to be.....he totally throws me a curve ball. I guess if I just learn some patience, let him lead and do this on his time......I will always have this feeling. I may not be getting what I want when I want it......but I am getting what I need when I need it!

Subrina <3

Monday, November 11, 2013


I know most of you are aware of my texting rule. I am supposed to text Mr. D everyday (mon-thur) at 11:30. I have my alarm set for this so I don't forget. Sometimes I get into a jam with this rule because I drive for a living. At this time of the day I am always driving so it can be challenging.

Today Mr. D had to work but I didn't, well I didn't have to drive. I did go into work for a few hours but I wasn't driving. I was in the office talking to the HR manager when my 11:30 alarm went off. I hit the red X on my phone and went on about my conversation.

I will text him as soon as she stops talking! I don't want to be rude and text while she is talking

We finish our conversation and I go on about my business. I finish up what I was doing and head home. I can't wait to get home and take a nap, I am sooooo tired. I don't know why but I am. I get home and see that it's almost 1:00....Mr. D will be calling me pretty my nap will have to wait!

My phone rings at 1:00.

"Hey baby, watcha doin?"

"Nothing, just got home from work and going to take a nap"

"OH OK, go ahead and take a nap, we'll talk when I get home."

hhhhmmmm we'll talk when he gets home? Why? What's wrong with him? Why is he cutting the call short? He never does that. And what's with the tone in his voice?

"Baby what's everything ok?"

"Yea it's fine.....We'll talk when I get home"

Not I'll talk to you when I get home.....WE'LL talk when I get home. There's a difference!

"Are you sure everything is ok?'

"Check your text messages at 11:30, what do you see?"

"We'll talk when I get home! Bye, I love you"

"OOPSIE" *giggles*

"But today is a holiday baby. I didn't have to work. I thought it was only regular days?"

"It's Mon - Thur, you know that. We'll talk when I get home"

Let's see what happens when he gets home. Here I have been complaining that I want him to stick to his guns and do what he says he's going to do. hhhmmmmmm Not so much! Now I'm kinda hopin he forgets or doesn't follow through, well my ass is hopin!

Go ahead and say it.....go on. I know, you're right!

Watch what you wish for cuz you just might get it!

Oh could I be so stupid? UGH!

Subrina <3

Sunday, November 10, 2013

This Is Us

Here are some silly questions that someone sent me. I thought it would be fun to answer them with Mr. D. We actually answered them separately, not seeing the others answer until I typed it here! They are really corny! You will see that he just answers the questions with no explanation. I, on the other hand, have to give some explanation. Maybe it's just a guy thing.....just the facts! Anyway.......this is us!

1. What would your husband say was the last thing that made him give you "the look"?
Me: My driving.....we have issues here!
Him: Being a smart ass

2. What part of his body does he talk about the most?
Me: His belly!
Him: Arms/tattoos (yea he does talk about his arms and tats too)

3. If you could burn one thing of his and not get in trouble, what would it be?
Me: His cigarettes. I really wish he would quit! UGH I kinda like him and want to keep him around
Him: Cigarettes

4. What shape would he say best describes your ass? A) apple, B) pear, C) pancake, D) never noticed....too distracted
Me: B) pear
Him: A) apple

5. Nothing makes her brattier than......
Me: PMS sometimes I can't stand to be around myself!
Him: When she doesn't get her way (ouch.......he's right!)

6. If my family knew we were in a spanking relationship they would be A) mortified, B) be intrigued and ask questions, C) high five Him and tell him it's about time!
Me: I don't have any family and I don't like his....but his would be absolutely A) mortified. His friends would probably give him a high five and tell him finally!!!
Him: A) mortified

7. When my husband does _________, I wish I could spank my mother in law.
Me: Gives in and doesn't stick to his guns.....she's the exact same way!
Him: Acts like an ass

8. When having sex my husbands theme song should be A) I will Survive, B) Dancing with myself, C) Wake me up before you go go, D) Shook me all night long
Me: If I had to pick from this list I would pick D) Shook me all night long. But if I could pick my own song it would be Bump and Grind from R. Kelly HAHA!
Him: D) Shook me all night long

9. If _________ was an Olympic sport, my husband would win the gold.
Me: The quickest shower
Him: I don't know, being a good husband? (he is a GREAT husband)

10. Two words that best describe my husband are _________ and _________.
Me: Amazing and Faithfull
Him: Loving and Romantic (these are very true too!)

11. Two words that sum up my wife are _________ and ____________.
Me: crazy and talkative
Him: bratty and smartass (blushing hehehe)

12. What's your wife's theme song?
Me: Hard to Love by Lee Brice. I'm always telling him I'm hard to love but he makes it look so easy
Him: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd.....not all of the lyrics

13. Even before TTWD, I wanted to spank my wife when she did ___________
Me: wouldn't stop talking when it was time to leave
Him: acted like a brat (hmmmm I'm starting to see a pattern here)

14. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I would spank my wife with __________
Me: His hand! We just started spanking (we did it once) and it's still really awkward
Him: my hand

15. My wife is so adorable when she _____________
Me: sings in the car
Him: sings in the car (I almost cried when I read this. I was shocked that he came up with the same exact answer I did)

16. Often when I give my wife "the look", I'm really thinking __________
Me: If she doesn't shut the hell up........
Him: I'm about to beat her ass

17. Besides her ass, my wife's greatest asset is __________
Me: boobs
Him: face

18. If you knew you wouldn't get caught, where is the one place that you would like to have sex?
Me: the Red Room of Pain!!! LOL j/k I guess I would have to say somewhere I could be as loud as I wanted to be!!!
Him: the beach

19. What is the first thing that attracted you to her?
Me: my ass! I don't think we ever planned on being together.....we were just gonna have fun
Him: Her personality

Hope you had fun reading these. I know we had fun answering them.

Dominic & Subrina <3

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

The "C" Word

The "C" word. You know that word that we all struggle with? That word that is hard to hear and even harder to do? It's the one thing in a TTWD or D/s relationship that you can't live without....yup you guessed it..........

If you read my blog yesterday you will know that Mr. D and I didn't have such a great evening.

I was embarrassed.

I was really pissed off.

I was even more disappointed.

I came to blogland to vent.

You said I need to communicate.

You said that he's human. 

You said he's not perfect.

You said he's going to make mistakes.
WHAT!'s true! He is human, he's not perfect and he did make a mistake. Thank you all so kindly for pointing that out!

Does that mean I don't love him......HELL NO! In fact, I think I love him even more today than I did the day before.

I took your advice and I Communicated! It took me a while to open up, and he didn't push. He let me be mad and just left me alone. We went to bed last night not talking which we both hate. But I was so mad and disappointed at him last night I really didn't want to talk to him. And I don't think he really knew what to say, so he left it alone.

I didn't know what to say. I was afraid that if I started talking I would not use my brain-to-mouth filter. I would be rude, mean and disrespectful. I just didn't think me talking would help the matter any. So I did what I do best and said nothing. He did what he does best, doesn't push and just kind of paces around and tries to talk to me. I stay quiet and he just gives up.

He tried again this morning. He called me at work but I just wasn't ready to talk. We ended the conversation and that was that. He called me later and now I was ready to talk. I had a bus full of students so I couldn't raise my voice or act like a fool. I think it was better that way. I had to stay in control and watch what I said.

I told him pretty much what I wrote in my last blog. He agreed with me...said he was disappointed in himself as well. (go can say I told ya so!) He said that he let the struggle of the game just keep building up and building up....then our son "got hurt" and that was it. He's not sure what happened, he just saw red and reacted.

Mr. D hasn't done this in a very long time. It kind of took him by surprise too. I didn't know this, but when we got home he text one of the coaches and apologized to him for the way he acted. The coach was accepting of his apology and said they (the team and other coach) loved our son and would never do anything to intentionally hurt him.

It's amazing what a little communication, some writing and really good advice can do for you! I really feel much better now that we have talked about it. I am so proud of him for understanding what he did. I'm even more proud of him that he regrets it and wishes it had never happened. I am proud of him that he sees his mistake and doesn't want it to happen again. In the past that would have NEVER happened.

He is human, he's not perfect and he will make mistakes! And I love him more and more!

For those of you that made comments, you don't know how much I appreciated your input and helping me see a different side to it. I truly value all of your opinions. I don't think I could get through TCTWD (This Crazy Thing We Do) without all of you. You all are so supportive and even though I might not want to hear usually don't sugar coat things. Thank you so much!

Subrina <3

Monday, November 4, 2013

How Can I Trust Him

I haven't posted in a few days. I was talking to a blog friend and she asked if everything was ok. This was sooooo sweet because she has a lot going on with her right now and dealing with some difficult things. And even though her head is spinning she thought of me. Thank you so much, you don't know how much that meant to me.

I did tell her that everything was actually going well. I had a thought for a post but was still trying to work out how and what exactly to say. I wasn't sure. I have a post and I know exactly what to say!

Mr. D and I have been getting along so well. We have talked about some things. We have talked about things we might want to try. I really think we're headed in the right direction and I'm excited. Things have been really good!

Tonight my youngest had a flag football game. Mr. D kind of coaches but he mainly helps out. He just wants to be a parent on the team. We had a dad that stepped up to coach so Mr. D just gets to enjoy the game. We don't have a very good team, we struggle most games. The team we were playing tonight is pretty good and we have known them for years. But we were on our game tonight. We were giving them a run for their money. We were losing but playing well!

The refs were really bad tonight, not calling anything. And if your kids have ever played sports you know that when your team is losing the refs calls seem to get worse and definitely not in your favor. Mr. D has a reputation of being hot tempered during games. Well tonight was no different.

I thought we had gotten past this. I thought this was left in the past. He has really been different since we started TTWD. He seemed more in control of his emotions. He didn't really seem to let these little things bother him. And I have been so proud of him. But unfortunately past practice always seems to rear it's ugly head.

Our son (kind of)  got hurt in tonight's game. Not really bad.....and he is a major drama queen! I mean he's-gonna-win-an-Emmy-one-day drama queen. He was getting hammered and hurt his shoulder. He grabbed his shoulder and bent over like he was dying. Mr. D went out to the field to see if he was OK and as soon as he got out there my son started to cry. Well, that's all Mr. D needed to see!

He kind of tosses my son to the side (not like throwing him, just kind of moving him) and the ref tried to get in front of him and he pushed him to the side. He storms across the field to the other side of the field yelling at the whole sidelines and then gets in the coaches face. I have no idea what he said nor do I care. The ref is yelling "if he goes over there you will forfeit this game" OK like that mattered....we were losing anyways!!!

As soon as I saw him take off across the field I yelled his name. He completely ignored me. I was tending to my son making sure he was ok. When you have a drama queen ya just never know if their really hurt or not!! So I have my arm around him and we leave the field and head to the car. Mr. D walks up and hands my son his tennis shoes and tells him to hold them. We continue to walk towards the snack shack and the parking lot. The other team goes running by us to the snack shack to get their snacks. Mr. D is walking and starts to take off his jacket.

OK why would he take off his jacket if we are leaving? He is going to do something stupid!

"We are going home. You can find your own ride!"

"What? I'm going home too? What are you talking about?" As he puts his jacket back on and had this WTF pissed off look on his face

I continue to walk with my son to the car. We drive home, get out of the car and go in the house. He is really pissed off. He comes storming in the door and goes to the bedroom. I go to the kitchen and clean up dinner dishes. We haven't spoken to each other yet and it's almost bed time.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling more. I am extremely embarrassed. We have played against this same team for 6 years now. They usually beat us in football and basketball and we go back and forth in baseball. I still can't believe he ran across the field and said I don't know even know. Really?

I'm just as pissed off as I am embarrassed. I seriously thought those days were behind us. He has changed so much since starting TTWD and I just feel like we have taken 20 steps backwards. He isn't talking to me and I really have nothing to say to him. I'm afraid to talk because I'm not sure of what I'll say. It's better to just keep to myself and not say anything. But I can tell he is a little nervous. He's not really sure what to do with him self. He's going in and out of the bedroom. I think he knows he screwed up and he's not sure what to do now.

More than being embarrassed and pissed off I am extremely disappointed. We have come so far in this lifestyle. He has really made some great changes within our marriage and personally. I am so proud of the changes he has made. But this........this just killed it. I feel like we are never going to be able to get where we were headed. I mean really, if he can't control his temper at our sons flag football game that means absolutely can I trust him to lead us? How can I trust that he's going to make the best decisions for us? How can I trust him that when faced with something he's not going to lose his shit!

OMG the more I write about it the more hurt I get. I can't believe he acted like that. Really, how am I ever going to completely trust him in/with TTWD? I mean I am so hurt, mad, angry, pissed off, disappointed, shocked, embarrassed......UGH! I don't know even know what to say.

I need to go to bed.

I had a SHITTY day at work.

And now this.

Good night.

Subrina <3