Since we started this lifestyle i have noticed changes. Changes in us. Sometimes the changes are so subtle i wonder if we have changed at all. Other times the changes are so blatant it smacks you right in the face.
TTWD changes your relationship or dynamic. It brings a deeper connection to him. It makes you look deep inside yourself. It makes you realize who you are, good or bad (I will get back to this....stay with me) and what makes you tick.
Mr. D has really put in an effort to be the Sir i want him to be. Whatever that is....im not even sure myself. We have many years of relationship habits that we are trying to change. Its not always easy. But he does it. Everything i have asked of him so far, he has either tried, has made the changes or is trying to change. i may not get what i want when i want it....but i do get it......eventually!
Last night he decided he was going to pull out his Dom-HOH card. He said that i was going to suck his dick.
Ok sure...no problem! i love pleasing him!
Now you all know that when you suck his dick, it not only gets him hot, but it does something to you too. The more i can make him growl, the more i can make him grab my hair and move me where he wants me, the more i can make his toes curl.....the wetter i get.
Right ladies? Who's with me?
I suck his dick until he cums. He goes to the bathroom to clean up. He climbs back in bed, gives me a kiss and says "good girl". I know you will all understand this....those two little words will make you weak in the knees. Isn't that what we live for....those two little words with a big meaning?
OK YAY...now my turn!
He turns on the tv and starts watching it.
OK YAY...now my turn!
He turns on the tv and starts watching it.
WHOA! WHOA! Wait.....what's going on? Hello? Over here....wet......happy.....ready.......good girl......remember?
And ladies and gentleman here lies the problem.
Submission isn't about me. It isn't about what I want. It isn't about when I want it. It isn't about what he can do for me. But yet, here I am being as selfish as possibly can be. I follow another blog and she has posted that she isn't allowed to use I or me. At first I didn't understand, I just read her blog and gave support when I could. But now.....I get it! I totally get why that is her rule. This journey is not all about me. (I hope I can remember this when I'm acting bratty)
I talked to him this morning while I was at work. I told him I was mad when I went to bed last night. He chuckled and asked why. I knew he knew why I was mad. I said it was because I missed a show I wanted to watch. He knew that was a lie...I don't watch tv. He said he knew why I was mad, but last night was about him and for him.
I didn't say anything else about it. But all day at work I thought about it. I thought how selfish I was. How selfish I acted. Why couldn't I just do something for him? Not want anything in return. Why did I have to get something in return? Wasn't it enough to just please him? Why am I so selfish?
I am an only child. I am the oldest grandchild by 4 years. I have always had things handed to me and done for me. During our entire marriage Mr. D continued that pattern. He has always been so good to me and treated me like a princess. I am used to getting my way. I am used to him giving in to me.
Last night he didn't. I was mad. But more than being mad at him I had so much respect for him and I was so proud of him. My va jay jay wasn't to happy but my heart was beyond ecstatic. He told me that he really wanted to give in to me, he knew I was wet and wanting. But he needed to show his dominance. He needed to show change.
I am an only child. I am the oldest grandchild by 4 years. I have always had things handed to me and done for me. During our entire marriage Mr. D continued that pattern. He has always been so good to me and treated me like a princess. I am used to getting my way. I am used to him giving in to me.
Last night he didn't. I was mad. But more than being mad at him I had so much respect for him and I was so proud of him. My va jay jay wasn't to happy but my heart was beyond ecstatic. He told me that he really wanted to give in to me, he knew I was wet and wanting. But he needed to show his dominance. He needed to show change.
Subrina <3
Hi Subrina,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you were left sexually frustrated but I'm glad you thought about it and what this all means. You must be so happy with all of the effort that Mr. D is giving, even if it isn't always your way :)
Kim
Thanks for the support Kim! And yes, i am sooooo thrilled at all the changes hes making. He is truly amazing!
DeleteYES!! you are slowly seeing the difference between between wants and needs. Submission about the need to please your Dom, want is about 'i'. Which is why 'i' is not allowed in play time with Sir. His only priority is my needs and He knows when I need them, I do not. (another frustrating part of ttwd). So happy Mr. D. (um,,my dear sweet friend, it's Sir, remember :)) is pulling that Dom card. So proud of you though.
ReplyDeleteThank you hs! i dont think i would have realized any of it without your support and advice. I truly appreciate you and our growing friendship.
DeleteI am so proud and happy that SIR is stepping up his game. The more he steps up the more i fall in love.
It truly is amazing!
Interesting post Subrina. It's awesome that you are able to take joy in the fact that you pleased him and without getting anything in return - even if that wasn't your thought to start with and it took some time to get there. Sacrificial love is what it's all about.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to process what I think about the way he did things; I'll have to get back to you on that...
The realization is awesome. I just hope i remember that when i have a brain to mouth filter malfunction!!
DeleteIm curious Foothills....what exactly were you questioning??? Im looking forward to hearingwhat you have to say!
Thanks for the comment!
Alright, I’ll give this a shot. I’m honestly not very good at being succinct (ask my wife), but I will try! :)
DeleteFirst off, my wife and I practice more of a DD dynamic than a D/s one like yourself – though both of those things could be called ‘TTWD’. So understand my perspective may partially be based on this difference.
I struggle with the idea of getting pleasure sexually from my wife and giving none in return, especially when she desires it. I understand a man can finish ‘quicker’ and sometimes people just don’t have time.
But when there IS time, I want to please my wife. I do understand, however, that sometimes an HOH may want to do some sort of ‘submission’ exercise with his wife, that he might deny her that pleasure for a time for such purposes. Or, as in the case of my wife and I, deny her that pleasure for a period of time to help her to WANT it more, to become more DESPERATE for it, or perhaps APPRECIATE it more when she does get it.
Personally, I would feel squeamish about denying my wife pleasure when she really wanted it and to just turn on the TV. That seems a little… spiteful? I saw in your post he eventually gave you his reason, and though that makes sense (him being dominant) – is it being loving toward your wife to do this? Us husbands ARE called to love our wives.
Most of your post was how YOU dealt with this, and then came to a good realization. When you say “it’s not about you”, you’re right, and we ALL need to realize this. That part was great and I’m glad you came to see it that way!
But really, it’s not about HIM either. I also look at it from the angle of "how did HE conduct things."
I guess I’m saying there’s a fine line between loving your wife sacrificially and then leading your wife (which you might call ‘being dominant’). I say this as one who wrestles with this line. I’ve basically done what your hubby did, so I’m not trying to judge him.
Let me pinpoint something though: I don’t believe you were necessarily being selfish to want pleasure in return. It was more, when you didn’t get that pleasure, the bitterness and the subsequent way you treated him that could be called ‘being selfish’. Does this distinction make sense?
Anyway, I hope these words are useful. I don’t want to tear down in any way. I know all couples feel differently about certain things their spouse does that WORK for them, and that’s OK! Some women love when their husband dominates so much they love it more than receiving sexual pleasure. So don’t take my words as condemnation but more as food for thought.
As a side note, my reply was definitely a "being succinct" failure!
DeleteThank you for your comments Foothills.
DeleteI appreciate your input but I will have to disagree with you. Personally I didn't think he was being "mean" or "spiteful" or "not loving". If you follow my blog you will see 1) that he loves me and treats me way better than I deserve and 2) that I have a hard time submitting. I have a difficult time following his lead. I think this was just his way of trying to show me his dominance. And I gotta tell you....it worked! After, I totally got it, I understood more about my submission.
That is one of the great things about TTWD, DD, D/s, M/s, whatever you chose to live....it is yours! It is what you make it and what works for you. But I do appreciate the comments and advice. Thanks for commenting.
Subrina <3
Just to clarify, I wasn't questioning whether he loves you or not.
DeleteIt was a general question about whether a specific action is loving or not. I love my wife, but there are things I do sometimes, actions, that are not loving. I strive to love with my actions, but there's always so much room for improvement, and will be until the day I die.
There's a big difference. If you felt loved in the end by what he did then that's the important thing. Glad it all worked out :)
Oh, I LOVE this post! And I can relate. Only child, first grandchild on my dad's side, etc, I always got what I wanted and I knew how to get it if someone refused me.
ReplyDeleteIt's a strange feeling to not get what you want and get it at the same time!!!
Everyone always thinks it's so great to be spoiled. Yes, it is BUT it can also be hard too. When you are spoiled it doesn't teach you that you don't always get what you want and you do have to work for things.
DeleteI love your last sentence....that is so true!
Hi Subrina, I love this post and also think it hot! Sorry you were left 'wanting' but what a wonderful realisation ... deriving pleasure from pleasing him.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Roz
Thank you Roz!
DeleteI was left wanting but it was also amazing to understand, finally! I think Misty said it best...
"It's a strange feeling to not get what you want and get it at the same time!!!"
And that's why I did it !!!!! U think I'm not learning but I am , I knew what I was doing I wanted to give in , u know how I love to make u screm but I didn't u need to learn not to be selfish !!!!!
ReplyDeleteI get it Sir and thank you. I really appreciate you not giving in to me. And I KNOW you're learning....I see it!
DeleteI love you!
Subrina,
ReplyDeleteI love this post. This same thing has happened in my house as if late.... In fact for several weeks now. I haven't gotten my due for nearly a month. I am even ENCOURAGING it, on purpose, to put him in the right head space. I feel it is a very small sacrifice to make to prove to him that I am serious and that I am submitting. And I KNOW that he will not let it go on forever as this is not the way he operates. But for now, I am SO HORNY! LOL!!!
Thank you SW!
DeleteAfter I finally pulled my head out of my ass and figured out how this thing works....I wasn't mad at all. And after I figured out WHY he did it....I was happy to oblige! Like you said, If that helps him get in the right headspace then so be it. I will sacrifice!
Thanks for the comment!
i'm late coming to the party. but here's my 2 cents' worth. I think if the result of the exercise was to make you see that you are called to serve him, that's all fine and good. Sometimes BIKSS cums in my mouth and my vajayjay gets NO action. But at other times (via text or whatever) he is certain to have me go to the bedroom and use my vibe to have an orgasm.
ReplyDeleteso in the end i think it's about balance. It's not like he NEVER ever wants you to enjoy a sexual release again - it's just some days it's going to be all about pleasing him. And that's fine with me cos i know he'll always encourage me to fish out the vibe and go for it if I want to "finish off" too.
I think sometimes BIKSS leaves me to "ask" for a cum as part of getting me to be more comfortable with my own needs. He'll not say no, but I have to tell him i'd like to have an orgasm , and sometimes i ask if he would play with me with his fingers (if he's already had a cum himself) while I press the vibe up against myself.
i'm also self conscious about him watching me, altho it's been getting better of late.
I do recall once asking him what about my pussy? she wants some too... and i believe his reply was a raised eyebrow and a "I'm sure she can wait a little while."