Friday, September 27, 2013

Horrible Place

I don't know what's going on. I feel so out of sorts. I'm irritated. I'm frustrated. I'm mad. I'm bitchy, moody, bratty, just aaaaaahhhhhhhhh UGH! I feel a disconnect with him.

All of these feelings and no explanation. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. We did get into an argument, but nothing to cause all of this.

As much as being dominant is new to him, being submissive is very new to me. I was raised with the idea that you didn't let a man tell you what to do or wait on them or do things for them. My single mom was all about womens rights, equality, blah blah blah. On top of that I have a pretty dominant personality.

My hubby has always let me lead. He has always let me step up to the front. He has always let me take care of things, let me be the mouth piece. Not that he didn't do anything, but he just followed my lead. Now I want him to be the leader and me to follow. hhhmmmm

Am I setting us up for failure?

Is being submissive something that I am even capable of doing?

My poor hubby has been trying to be dominant. Every time he tries I either laugh or absolutely just refuse whatever it is he is asking.

I laugh because it's so out of the norm. He has never acted like that and it just sounds funny when he is trying to be stern or strict with me. I also think it's because I don't trust him. I don't trust that he means it. I don't trust that what he is saying is what he really means. I don't trust that there will be any follow through.

When he tries to be dominant and I refuse....he gets frustrated with me. DUH I totally understand why! But it just seems so foreign to me to go with it. And then he will just kind of give up because he is so frustrated.

"Why do you always throw up your hands and say 'fuck it' when you don't know what to do?"

"Why can't you just be submissive? Why can't you just do what I ask? You asked for this and yet you fight me at every turn. Are you sure this is what you want?"

HHHHMMMMMM  Good question!

"I don't know why I fight you. Yea, I think this is what I want."

I really don't know why! I mean, he's right, I did ask for this. I do want him to be HOHy and Dominant....then why can't I be submissive? WTF? UUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH

I feel that if he was more dominant then it would be easier to be more submissive. But then I think, well if I'm more submissive he will be more dominant. a damn dog chasing it's tail! Stupid!

DAMMIT I want him to take charge. I want him to be the boss. I want him to stand up to me. I want him to not baby me. I want him stick to his guns. I want him to be consistent. I want him to follow through with things.

Maybe my problem is ME! Maybe I'm irritated, frustrated and mad at myself. Maybe I'm realizing that this just might not work. Maybe this just isn't something I am capable of. Maybe that's where all of these feelings are coming from.

I am looking to him to get me out of this. I am looking to him to help me figure this out. I am looking at him to grab me and say we are going to figure this out NOW! I am looking to him to lead.

I am putting everything off on him huh? :/  Not very submissive huh? :/

So where the hell do I go from here? How do I get outta of this horrible place? How do I work on submission when I'm not even sure I can do it.

Why do I want this? Because all of the books make it sound so exciting and thrilling and perfect?


Who is it?

Reality! Stop acting like a fool!

Did you ever feel like you couldn't be submissive? Did you ever feel like...what am I doing?

Subrina <3

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've been such a bitch lately. I'm sorry for the way I have been acting and the way I have been treating you. You are so good to me and treat me like a princess and I'm so grateful. I love you!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

And That's When The Fight Started

I have been reading a few blogs lately and it seems there are a lot of us fighting with our HOH's. Well, you're not alone. Here are a few ways that other people have started a fight......

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started.....


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....


My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he say alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed.
"He's my old boyfriend, I understand he took up drinking right after we split up so many years ago, and I hea he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And that's when the fight started......


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer....Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I could her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently
for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

And that's when the fight started......


My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

And that's when the fight started......


Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife'sback; now with a different anticipation.
I whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's when the fight started......


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for out upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 1 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a scale!

And that's when the fight started......


After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. the woman behind the counter asked for my driver license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."

So I opend my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me"
Then she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Cocial Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped you pants, You might have gotten disability too."

OMG....I laughed soooooo hard (no pun intended) reading this one!!! LMAO!!

And that's when the fight started......


My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible, I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And that's when the fight started......


I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a really bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF! He looked up at me and said,

"I am NOT happy!"

So I said, "Well, which one ARE you then?"

And that's when the fight started......


One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's when the fight started......


I hope that I was able to put a smile on your face. Enjoy your weekend! Hopefully you (or DH) won't start a fight!!

Subrina <3

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Lost Hope?

Dominic and I kind of got into a argument discussion today about money. Things never go well when we discuss money. First of all we don't have enough of it! lol And second, well we just don't have enough of it!

I was questioning him about some money that was spent. I didn't understand where it all went, so I was asking him about it. He really didn't have an answer for me, so I kind of got a little upset and maybe raised my voice. Yea I know....not smart!

I was driving home from work and he called me, asked me where I was. He said that I had an attitude earlier today when we talked. So when we got home we would be discussing my attitude. Kind of excited!

OK, talk about what? I didn't have an attitude. I was just asking what happened.

Well, the conversation started out alright. But he didn't like that I was still questioning him, and I guess I still had my attitude. I just wanted to know what the hell happened.

Anyway, we got it figured out. But not without some looks, head shaking and complete frustration. And this was all him!!!!!! UGH Not very Dom/Sir like

Well, I don't know why but I still had my attitude.

"I can't do this if this is the way it's going to be. I don't want to have to fight you about money. And you just keep fighting, you won't let it go."

"I just wanted an answer. I didn't understand and wanted you to explain it to me. But all you could say was I don't know. That's not what I wanted to hear"

He just sat there with a pissed off look on his face and shaking his head.

Well unfortunately my attitude got a little out of control. I said in a calm voice....

"Well, I'm waiting for you to do what you always do and throw up your hands, say fuck it and walk out of the room"

He just looked at me.

"I don't want to fight with you, especially about finances"

Then we we're interrupted by our youngest and the conversation stopped. They both got dressed and left for practice. Now here I am, sitting here and disappointed.

I know I shouldn't have acted like that, and I probably shouldn't have questioned him about the money (really it wasn't that much money)....but I fully expected him to take more control. I expected him to not allow me to be so bratty and put a stop to it or at least say something. To be honest, I was expecting him to say something earlier today when we spoke. But nothing!

Is this really that hard? I mean, I know I need to make changes, just as I'm asking him to change. But man, it's so easy to fall back into past practice. I wasn't getting the answer I wanted, I got mad and feel right back into the past. UGH While we we're talking I was thinking I should really shut my mouth. I should really just shut up and let it go, stop being so bratty. But when he didn't say anything or put a stop to it....I just kept going. Will I ever be able to do this?

I get that this is new.....I get that he's trying to find his groove and doesn't know exactly how to act when I act like a damn brat. But come on! I fully expected him to stand up to me and he doesn't. I get so frustrated when he lets me act like that.

I know I need to change too. I know that I shouldn't be acting like that towards him. But when I get upset or mad and I do act like that.....DOM UP!

Dom up and tell me to stop it. Tell me that you are not going to allow me to talk to you that way. Don't put up with my shit. Don't be afraid to be stern with me, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.

He called from practice and asked if I was ok. I said the typical female answer "yea, I'm fine!" He knows me too well and knew there was something wrong.

He said that he was sorry and was disappointed in himself. I asked him why.

"When you act like that I still don't know how to react. Well, I do know what I should say or do but it just feels so weird. It feels strange for me to discipline you or to tell you NOT to do something. The blog you sent me (Rodger's Thoughts) really helped but I'm still not sure exactly what to say or do when you are like that."

"I'm sorry that I acted like that. It's so easy to fall back into past practice. I get that, but when you don't do anything I feel like we're just spinning our wheels. I'm disappointed too."

"We will talk more when I get home from practice."

Subrina <3

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

To Spank or Not To Spank

Hubby and I have been practicing TTWD or D/s for about 7 months. It has been a slooooooooow process but we are making progress. When I first brought this to Dominic he didn't hesitate. He jumped on board and said yea sure, whatever you want, I'll do it! YAY

We have spent a lot of time talking about things we like, things we don't like, things we want to try and things that we will never try. It has been very interesting and we both (I think) have learned a lot about each other.

I would tell him about blogs that I read and how the couples handle certain situations. I would tell him that so and so did this and she got a spanking for it.

"We are never going to do that. You are my wife, not my child!"

"Yeah, I'm not into that either!"

"But we're still going to do it when we have sex."

"Oh yea, I like it when you do that!!!"

So the other day we we're talking and he says

"Ya know, I've been thinking I want to try spanking, how do you feel about that?"

"What do you mean? You know I like it when you spank me!"

"No, I mean for punishment"

"Huh?" WTH???? Is he serious?

"Well? How do you feel about that?"

"Ummmm well, I don't know, how much say so do I have in this? I mean it's my I'm thinking no!"

HAHAHAHA "Well, I think we're going to try it"

Later that night we we're laying in bed watching TV and his back was itching. He asks me to scratch his back, so being the good submissive wife that I am, I did it. We went back to watching TV and he asked again.

I guess I wasn't itching it good enough 

I told him that's what the back scratcher is for, it will scratch it better than I can. He just kinda gives me a look and then
Oh Shit!

He gets up and takes it off the hook and examines it. I mean really examines it. He hits it against his hand and has this......ummmm....well......I guess you would say a twinkle in his eye.

I just look at him and shake my head. Like that was gonna work

"Come here, bend over the bed"

He can't be serious, we haven't even discussed spanking. I thought we we're never going to do this.

"I said come here" why is it he gets an implement in his hand and all of a sudden he knows how to be the HOH???

Well, being the good little sub I am, I go to his side of the bed and reluctantly bend over the bed. I am so nervous and kind of excited but I am laughing like a silly school girl. I'm not sure why because I knew it was going to hurt.

And then

OK we are definitely NOT doing that!

I'm jumping up and down , rubbing my ass and it stings like hell. But for some strange reason I am still laughing.

He is just looking at me, not really understanding.


"OW hun, that hurts" rubbing my ass and pouting

"So what do you think, I think we are going to try this"

"OK if that's what you want to do, but can I ask one thing?"

"Sure baby, anything"

"Can you do some research and make sure you know who to spank?"

"What do you mean, you break a rule, bend over and I smack your ass!"

"WHAT? No I'm serious. You can't just go spanking all willy nilly"

HAHAHAHA "OK baby, I will check it out....but we are doing this!"

So here we are! Looks like I'm going to be the best damn submissive this side of the Mississippi!!

Oh and if any of you have any advice or suggestions for me....please let me know! I'm probably going to need all the help I can get, he enjoyed that way to much! I have a feeling there are a lot more rules in my future.

Watch what you wish for.....cause you just might get it!

Subrina <3

Thursday, September 5, 2013

TTWD Etiquette

I have been thinking about this for a while and I'm not really sure what the answer is.

Where is the best place to ask these questions?

Where do I go for answers?

Yup, you guessed it!

To you, blogland!

First let me say that I truly appreciate all of you bloggers, Sirs and subs! I have learned so much about something I knew so little. This place and all of you absolutely amaze me. I feel I can be more open and honest with all of you than I am with friends in my life. Of course I am somewhat hiding behind a keyboard but whatever! Here you are not judged for things you like or don't like. Everyone seems to accept your lifestyle, no matter how kinky, and are also willing to give some really good advice.

Having said that, I have been wondering about something......TTWD or D/s etiquette.

Is there D/s etiquette? Is there a certain way you should address certain people?

When you are commenting on a Dom's post, do you call him Sir? He's not my Sir, so is it rude or disrespectful to call him that? Or is it rude or disrespectful to NOT call him Sir?

What if he is a Master? Do you call him Master?

Or do you call him Mr. *insert name*?  If it's known.

When you are commenting to a sub and her Sir has commented, do you ask him to comment to her?

For those of you that go to the clubs....I'm sure there is a certain protocol that is expected?

Subrina <3

Monday, September 2, 2013

I'm A Big Girl

This weekend we have been so busy with life. Our 12 year old had a tournament, my step daughter had a baby shower and my middle one had a parent preview night for his high school band.

We are very supportive when it comes to our kids extra curricular activities. We try and go to everything. This weekend was no exception.

Our sons first two games were on Saturday afternoon. It just so happened the baby shower was about the same time. Both of them were in the same direction. The games being about 40 mins away and the shower about 50 mins away. I was NOT looking forward to going to the shower. I didn't feel to comfortable sitting in my husbands ex's house with her family. But, I agreed to go for his daughter and him too. I really wanted to get out of it, but there was no way.

Our sons coach called on Friday and said we had to games tomorrow. Well, that means that I won't be able to go to the shower because I need to take my son to his game. Awww man, sooo bummed! So hubby is trying to be the HOH and said that someone could take him and we would just meet him there, so I can go to the shower. UGH I really really didn't want this to happen. But I am trying to be a submissive wife and go with his decisions.

We talked about it and he decided that I would go to the game and he would go to the shower with his mom. He would leave the shower early so he could make the second game. I really liked this idea, so I went with it!! Who am I to argue....that is no way for a submissive wife to act!

Hubby packed the car with the cooler, chairs, umbrella, baseball gear and anything else he could think of that I would need. Normally he takes care of all of this stuff. So we're getting ready to leave and he's explaining to me how to put the cooler on the cart and then the chair, the umbrella, tie it on with the bungee cords etc.

I'm thinking OK OK how hard can this be, I can do this, what's the big deal.

My son and I set off to the games. I'm really missing hubby and wish he was with us. But he has other obligations. We get to the field, it's 95 degrees and the humidity is about 90%.

We live in SO CAL dammit!!! UGH

I start getting everything out of the car. I do just as my hubby says, get the cart out, put the cooler on it, get the chair, the umbrella.....yeah yeah yeah I can do this! Pssshhh

My son says "Mom, are you sure you're gonna be able to handle this?"

"Sure, what's the big deal. I got this son!"

We're off to the field, I've got everything that we need, I'm pulling the cart through this rough terrain. I'm trying to be very careful because I know I don't have everything strapped onto the cart very well, not like hubby would have done it. We get about half way there and it happens!

Yup, you guessed it!

I dumped the cart!

I look at it tipped over, the cooler fell on it's side and opened, dumped everything out of it onto the gravel. I stand there staring at it thinking what just happened. I pick up everything and put it back in the cooler. Everything is dirty, I wasn't able to pick up the ice and I'm embarrassed!

We get to the field and now I have to set up my little area. I'm not feeling to confident right about now, especially after my mishap just a few mins ago.

I set up my chair, the cooler is in front of me and I have to attach the umbrella to my chair. It's not just any old umbrella, no it's a beach umbrella, pretty good size. Oh and did I mention it was windy!

I open the umbrella, get the velcro straps and bungee cords and get started. I got the pole attached to my chair but as soon as I opened the umbrella a big gust of wind comes up and flips it right out of my hands.


I finally get the umbrella opened and on the pole that is attached to my chair. I step back and take a look, I'm so proud! I did this all by myself!! So I do what any proud big girl would do....I take a pic and send it to hubby!

YAY me!!!!

There are probably a lot of you out there that are reading this and thinking what is the big deal. So you went to your kids game, had to unload the car and set up your own stuff by yourself....AND???
Well for me it WAS a big deal. Hubby spoils me beyond belief. He does everything for me. And this little trip to my sons game, by myself, just proved to me how much he really does for me. It makes me appreciate my hubby soooo much more. I am always telling him that I totally got the better end of the deal, and I truly did!

Thank you hubby for all you do for me. I truly appreciate you! I couldn't have asked for anyone better. Thank you for picking me, I love you!

Subrina <3