Givin It Up

Your probably here looking for a hot sex post with me, Mr. D and my new toy.....the wand! Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you. This post has almost no sex in it, well no detailed description of any sex.

So if you're still with me......grab a drink and have a seat.....let's have some girl talk!

The weekend that Mr. D and I went away was amazing. Not only did we have great mind blowing sex (that's about all the sex talk you're gonna get in this one!!) but we had even better conversation.
On Saturday when we went to lunch we had a pretty deep conversation.

I realized that Mr. D and I have completely reversed roles. If I remember correctly it happened about 2 years ago. Not exactly sure why it happened. I guess I have kind of noticed it, but this past weekend the light bulb went off. It totally took me to a whole new place.

 

Let me rewind a little............

The past 18 years I have ALWAYS put the kids first. Anytime we went anywhere I would want to take the boys with us. If we ever went anywhere without them I would complain the whole time...."what about the boys?, I wish the boys were here" and so on. I would feel guilty if we ate out and they weren't with us. I always felt guilty when we did things without them. Mr. D would always tell me to not worry about it, enjoy myself. I never could let go. I always had them on my mind.

My boys are very active playing sports. I would NEVER NEVER EVER miss a game or practice. When my oldest went to college we would go to inner squad games and all home games. He plays adult softball and we never missed a game. My middle one plays the drums in his high school band. Band wasn't our thing, but we never miss a performance....even went to some practices. Same thing with my little one....we never miss any of his games.

Mr. D has coached all 3 boys in sports and I have managed all of their teams. We are extremely involved with their lives. Still to this day! We are a very very close family....the Fab Five! haha

I was the one that always planned ahead for things. I always made sure everything was taken care of, kids had jackets when we left the house. I could not live "where the day takes me". I couldn't be spontaneous. I worried about money. I took care of the homework with the kids. I disciplined them. I took care of the bills, called to get extensions, mad
e payment arrangements.

He was more of the wild one. He always had this attitude of  "wherever the day takes me". He was so carefree. He never worried about anything. He just lived! He worried about tomorrow when tomorrow came. But today he was going to live in the moment.

Sex was almost non existent in our relationship. I was not a big fan of sex! I know I know.....it's crazy to even think that. But sadly it's true. Mr. D would beg and beg to have sex. He was lucky if we did it twice a month!! And then when I would agree, half the time it would be a hand job. To me sex was like doing the dishes....a chore!

Everything came first except Mr. D and our marriage. Don't get me wrong, we got along great. We have always loved each other. We have always had a great relationship and have been best friends.

"I'm soooooo sorry Mr. D for treating you like that all those years. Thank you for hanging in there and not giving up on me."


Fast forward to the here and now........WOW What a difference a year makes!

Now it's Mr. D that is the responsible one. He takes care of everything. He takes care of the bills, makes sure homework gets done. (I help with doing the homework). He is always thinking of the boys. Not that he didn't before....but now he thinks like I did. He is always saying "what about the boys".

I'm more the wild one now. I live for today, not really worrying too much about tomorrow. I'm not completely like he was.....but I definitely don't worry like I used to. The whole "cone and my car" thing....he told me that I was acting like a teenager, because I was kind of driving a little to fast and "playing" with the truck. He sometimes says he thinks I'm going through a mid life crisis. We bought a Scion XB for me and I have a sound system in it, I want to get it lowered and fix it up. I would rather go out to dinner with him and buy pizza for the boys!

So while we were having lunch on our weekend get away the light bulb went off. I started to cry

"Why are you crying?"

"I just realized that we have reversed roles and I'm ok with it."

I told him that not only have we reversed roles, but I have "given it up". I have given up my fears and concerns......to him. I have let him lead me and guide me. I am comfortable with his decision making. I have finally let go and given all of myself to him.

I can't even begin to tell you how strong I felt sitting there across the table from him. I was crying, not only because of the realization I had but the deep emotional and spiritual connection I felt to him in that moment. Something changed. I felt different. I felt at peace. And I couldn't have loved him more in that moment.

 

I wonder if our friends and family have noticed the change in us? Have they noticed that I am constantly hanging on him? Have they noticed that I always want to be near him? Have they noticed that we no longer argue? Have they noticed that we seem to be so in love with each other? Have they noticed the respect we show each other? Have they noticed that I ask permission for things now?

I've become very selfish with him now. I don't want to share him with anyone. Friends. Family. Kids. Work. Nobody. I want him all to myself! When we went on our weekend get away we missed our little ones tournament. That was the first time EVER that we have missed our kids events.

I don't feel guilty. I felt bad because he had no one there cheering him on. But we talked to him on the phone several times. But I completely enjoyed our weekend together. And I really wanted to stay longer.

This lifestyle never ceases to amaze me. It is so powerful when things are working. It is so powerful when you have these realizations. and I keep saying that I didn't think I could love him anymore...but damn I just keep falling. I go back and read my earlier posts and I never thought we would be where we are. I know we still have a long way to go....but I definitely know there is a change in us.......and all because I'm givin it up!

Subrina <3

If I Didn't Have You

by Thompson Square

Sometimes it feels like, I'm gonna break
Sometimes this world, gives more than I can take
Sometimes, sunshine gets lost in the rain
And it keeps pouring down
It just keeps coming down.

This life would kill me If I didn't have you
I couldn't live without you baby
I wouldn't want to
If you didn't love me so much
I'd never make it through
'Cause this life would kill me
This life would kill me if I didn't have you.

You are my heart, every breath I breathe
I'm safe in your arms, you rescue me.
When I'm weak, you're strong
If you were gone I don't know where I'd be
You were made for me

 This life would kill me If I didn't have you
I couldn't live without you baby
I wouldn't want to
If you didn't love me so much
I'd never make it through
'Cause this life would kill me
This life would kill me if I didn't have you

If you didn't love me so much
 This Life would kill me If I didn't have you