Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I Gotta Get This Out

I know most of you are waiting for Part 3 of my threesome weekend. I am working on it, but something just happened and I need to get this out. I need to write about it. I need to hear from you that have been there, that I am normal.

So if you follow my blog at all then you know I have a texting rule. I have to text Mr. D Mon-Thur at 11:30. I get 5-10 minutes leeway either side of 11:30. I am soooooo on this rule that I never falter. Since I don't miss this text there hasn't been any consequences if I don't text him. He did mention that if I didn't text him then he would take the computer away for the night.

He has mentioned a few times that he is really starting to consider spanking for punishment. I'm not sure how I feel about this. We have talked about it some, but not to the extent that we could actually start doing it.

Well guess what??

Ms. Never-misses-a-text missed a text!

When he called me at his lunch he asked me about it. I told him that I was driving (I drive for a living) and couldn't text him. He asked if that was the best excuse I could come up with. I said it wasn't an excuse, that's what really happened. He said OK then, we'll discuss then when we get home.

Yea ok, been there before and nothing has happened......but whatever! We'll see!

We get home from work and start getting undressed out of our work clothes.

"Come here and lay down with me"

"OK let me get undressed first"

"NO! I said come here and lay down with me.....NOW!"

OK what the hell is going on. He never does this, especially when we have just gotten home from work. But ok I will play along. I love cuddling with him anyways.

I lay down with him and ask him what this is all about. He's rubbing my ass. I ask him why he loves me today. He says I love you everyday. OK this is just weird.....what the hell is going on.

And then it happens!

He asks me about the text message today. He wants me to explain why I didn't text him. I told him again that I was driving.

"That's your excuse? That's not good enough. The rule is you are to text me at 11:30, give or take 5 mins. You didn't do that today"

He gets up off the bed and puts his hands behind his back and looks down at me. I'm laughing at him. I know I know...I shouldn't be laughing but I can't help it. This is really weird and awkward.

"Get over here and bend over the bed"

LOL is he kidding? We haven't even talked about this. He can't be serious.

"I said come here! Subrina....NOW!"

LOL "no, we're not doing this. We need to talk about it first."

"Subrina........I said come here NOW and put your ass in the air"

I just rolled over on my stomach and put my face in the pillow. He places one hand on my legs and


I LOL again....wiggle and tell him he can't do this. We have to talk about it first!


Again....I LOL and tell him he's crazy. He can't just spank me.

He lays down next to me and kisses me on my head. I am still laying down and we start talking. I told him I was mad at him. He didn't seemed phased by that and told me that I need to follow the rule. He understood that I am a driver and can't always send the text but I need to figure it out. He is just as calm as can be talking to me.

He tells me he kinda feels weird. He says "this" feels weird. I asked him what he meant and he said that this is new for us. We have never done this and it just feels strange, different, awkward. I agreed with him.

All of a sudden, while we were talking, I suddenly got this weird new feeling.

"Mr. D, I feel kinda weird right now"


A tear rolls down my cheek

"What do you mean you feel weird?"

Another tear "I don't know....I just feel.....uumm.......I feel at ease. I feel at peace" another tear falls

He gets a small grin on his face but looks a little confused. He wipes my tears and asks me why I'm crying, am I hurt or mad? If you're at peace then why are you crying?

They're not tears of sadness. They're not really happy tears. They are deep emotional tears. The kind of tears you cry after having an emotional sex scene. I feel like something suddenly has changed between Mr. D and I. I see him differently now. I see him more in an HOH role.

I think between this weekend and this first spanking he is finding his HOH role. He is becoming more comfortable and confident with it. I am giving up more control and he is taking over.

Even though this first spanking was awkward, strange, weird and foreign to us both....I really think it has changed something. I know it has for me. I know this will not be the last spanking I get. He did say that he kinda liked it. He did feel the same way I did but I think he felt powerful and in control while it was happening.

I know this little episode started out with me laughing at him, but I think it was more a nervous laugh. I am so proud of him for sticking to his guns and not backing down, no matter how hard I fought him, and I did put up a pretty good fight. Once the event was over I felt such a connection to him. It was even more weird than the actual spanking.

Subrina <3

My next post will be My Threesome Weekend Part 3....but I just had to get this out!


  1. We use punishment in our realtionship, i dont like it (that is the point lol) but i like that it brings a sense of closure, wipes the slate clean etc. and i do feel much better afterwards.

    You are completely normal...whatever normal is lol

    Its just difficult sometimes to identify all these different emotions that are going on in ones head at the time.


    1. Hi Tori!

      You are so right. I have such internal conflict right now. And all of the emotions it brought up really surprised me!

      Subrina <3

  2. Hi Subrina,
    You are normal, your feelings are normal and your tears are normal. A spanking can release so many emotions and be very powerful. It can be a stress reliever, it can make you feel forgiven, or make you feel connected and loved or sometimes you may fight it and feel angry or mad. It's all normal.

    My first spanking was very awkward and we ended up laughing. After time they are no longer awkward, they are very serious and I do my best to avoid them.

    It sounds like he's becoming much more comfortable and is more confident. You've wanted him to find his confidence and step up and lead. So enjoy this, support him, thank him and follow His lead. He will feed off of your submissiveness.

    1. Hi Kim!

      Thanks for the confirmation! I am really surprised how powerful it was. And I really didn't do the post any justice on how I really felt. I was a little confused too.

      The awkwardness sucked! I laughed much more than he did! He is really coming into his own and I'm so excited to watch him grow into his role.

      Thanks for your support!

      Subrina <3

  3. my first spanking wasn't punishment yet it was. We were not even going down D/s either. For him, it wasn't weird but for me it was. Definitely mixed emotions. What you are feeling is quite normal for ttwd. If you know you will be driving at about 1130, just text him before you go on your run and let him know you will text as soon as you safely can. welcome to the next step.

    1. Thanks HS for the suggestion.

      Yea the mixed emotions are a little stressful!

      Subrina <3

  4. I have had the same experience! I am thinking that it is more "normal" than we think. And for those that think it isn't normal, maybe they have just never been spanked! LOL

    1. HAHAHA thanks for the laugh!! It is truly amazing how a spanking can bring about so many mixed emotions!

      Subrina <3

  5. Hi Subrina,

    You know, reading this made me smile ... because it brought back memories of when we started in ttwd and our first punishment spanking. What you feel is absolutely normal. Feeling awkward, strange, tears. Although we may spank for fun, stress relief, connection there are a whole range of other emotions associated with punishment.

    Laughter can be a form of releasing those emotions as well as tears, or a nervous response and yes, it's amazing how connected we feel afterwards.


    1. Hi Roz!

      Thanks for commenting. I keep saying that I'm shocked at all of the emotions I was and still am feeling.

      Yea, I think that is why I laugh....I'm nervous! That's what I'm going with anyways!! LOL'

      Subrina <3