Mr. D and I have been trying TTWD for about 8 months now. When we first started, and even up until about a month or so ago, we always said that we would never spank for punishment. When we would hear or read about couples spanking we both would agree that that just wasn't for us. We both agreed that we could never see us doing it. It would be too weird!
Fast forward to just a few days ago and I got my first spanking! If you haven't read my post about it you can here.
I have been having some issues since that first spanking the other day. I know it was the first one, and the first is probably the worst. It's the worst in that it's the first, so it's uncomfortable, strange, weird, foreign. For both of us. Here is my problem.......
I guess it really isn't up to me, that would be Mr. D's call. But I know if I said that I didn't want to do this Mr. D would be ok with it. But in all honesty, I want to do it. I want him to hold me accountable for things. If I don't comply then I want him to spank me.
Here's my issue or internal conflict.
I know we are consenting adults. We make our own decisions. We, as a married couple, have decided this is how we are going to live our marriage. We have talked about this issue at great length, we are both on the same page and we both agree on spanking.
Yet why is it that I feel like I am doing something wrong? Why do I feel the need to hide our real relationship? Why do I hope nobody finds out what we do? Why can't I share with friends how we live our life?
Is it because society tells us this isn't how it's supposed to be? Because my mom taught me that you never let a man tell you what to do, let alone spank you? This isn't how married couples are supposed to act? Spankings are for children that behave badly?
Does it really matter to anyone what Mr. D and I do behind closed doors and in the privacy of our own marriage? As long as we are not hurting each other or anyone else, what is it any business of anyone else's?
When I got that spanking I had such a deep feeling of connection with Mr. D. I can't really explain it, but I just felt so close to him and so at peace. Like there had been a weight lifted off of me. It was as if I had given everything to him. Don't get me wrong, the spanking hurt and I'm not looking forward to doing it again. It probably doesn't help that I'm a big baby when it comes to pain. But as soon as it was done and he laid down with me and we talked, it was so peaceful, I felt so peaceful.
So why the internal conflict? I want to share TTWD with everyone! I want everyone to know how great it felt to get that spanking and the release it gave me. But society has taught us that it's not normal. That spanking your wife should not be allowed.
Well you know what I say......
If what we do makes us both happy, we are not hurting each other or anyone else....then we are going to continue to do this. When we both have decided that we no longer want to do this, or we both feel that it's not working in our relationship, then we will stop. But we are definitely not going to stop because there are people out there with closed minds and think that this is wrong.
I think the world would be a better place if people would not judge others. Just because one couple lives a certain way or does things a certain way doesn't mean they are wrong. It just works for them. It's not my place to judge anyone on what they do behind closed doors or anything else for that matter.
Internal conflict over!