Monday, October 28, 2013

Internal Conflict

Mr. D and I have been trying TTWD for about 8 months now. When we first started, and even up until about a month or so ago, we always said that we would never spank for punishment. When we would hear or read about couples spanking we both would agree that that just wasn't for us. We both agreed that we could never see us doing it. It would be too weird!

Fast forward to just a few days ago and I got my first spanking! If you haven't read my post about it you can here.

I have been having some issues since that first spanking the other day. I know it was the first one, and the first is probably the worst. It's the worst in that it's the first, so it's uncomfortable, strange, weird, foreign. For both of us. Here is my problem.......

 

I guess it really isn't up to me, that would be Mr. D's call. But I know if I said that I didn't want to do this Mr. D would be ok with it. But in all honesty, I want to do it. I want him to hold me accountable for things. If I don't comply then I want him to spank me.

Here's my issue or internal conflict.

I know we are consenting adults. We make our own decisions. We, as a married couple, have decided this is how we are going to live our marriage. We have talked about this issue at great length, we are both on the same page and we both agree on spanking.

Yet why is it that I feel like I am doing something wrong? Why do I feel the need to hide our real relationship? Why do I hope nobody finds out what we do? Why can't I share with friends how we live our life?

Is it because society tells us this isn't how it's supposed to be? Because my mom taught me that you never let a man tell you what to do, let alone spank you? This isn't how married couples are supposed to act? Spankings are for children that behave badly?

Does it really matter to anyone what Mr. D and I do behind closed doors and in the privacy of our own marriage? As long as we are not hurting each other or anyone else, what is it any business of anyone else's?

When I got that spanking I had such a deep feeling of connection with Mr. D. I can't really explain it, but I just felt so close to him and so at peace. Like there had been a weight lifted off of me. It was as if I had given everything to him. Don't get me wrong, the spanking hurt and I'm not looking forward to doing it again. It probably doesn't help that I'm a big baby when it comes to pain. But as soon as it was done and he laid down with me and we talked, it was so peaceful, I felt so peaceful.

So why the internal conflict? I want to share TTWD with everyone! I want everyone to know how great it felt to get that spanking and the release it gave me. But society has taught us that it's not normal. That spanking your wife should not be allowed.

Well you know what I say......





If what we do makes us both happy, we are not hurting each other or anyone else....then we are going to continue to do this. When we both have decided that we no longer want to do this, or we both feel that it's not working in our relationship, then we will stop. But we are definitely not going to stop because there are people out there with closed minds and think that this is wrong.

I think the world would be a better place if people would not judge others. Just because one couple lives a certain way or does things a certain way doesn't mean they are wrong. It just works for them. It's not my place to judge anyone on what they do behind closed doors or anything else for that matter.

Internal conflict over!


Subrina <3

11 comments:

  1. let me ask you something. is it that you want to share with everyone or is it that you want when they see you two interact with each other how loving, intense, and passionate it is? I am going to go on a limb and pick the latter of it. let that be you telling everyone. Then, if someone says "wow, you and Mr. D have this amazing connection, what is your secret?" Tell then He is HoH because for a successful relationship, only one can be Alpha. I have full trust in Him to lead us appropriately, and He holds me accountable in ways that work for our relationship. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

    Sir can't stand society. He is forever trying to change how society plays a part in my demeanor.

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    1. Don't fall off that limb you climbed out on!!!

      I love your comment! And I see that you have been learning from the bully!!! Actions do speak louder than words.

      Society sucks!

      Subrina <3

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  2. This a very familiar internal conflict, I suffered a little of this at the weekend. I'm a spanko, we don't do punishment but that doesn't mean I don't get a sense of relief or release from being spanked. Even if there is no real discipline behind what we do, it does give us both the ability to move on from stressful situations. The TTWD reflects what you both need and nobody else.
    As for the pain, the right build up and finding the implement which suits you is key.
    I would love that we don't have to be secretive about what we do, however, I would rather keep it secret than misjudge a friend's reaction. It is not hurting or upsetting anyone else and I'm grateful I can come here to share things with like minded people.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. I totally agree with you DF. Very well said and I also LOVE LOVE LOVE that I can come here and share things and not be judged....even if the ones commenting don't do what we do! It's unfortunate that society can't be like that

      Subrina <3

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  3. Yeah I think this is a fairly common internal conflict actually. For the most part, I got over it, other times, I wonder what are we doing, what about the children, and so on...But, DH and I decided this is what WE want to do and therefore we are both okay with it.

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    1. I agree Julia! It is what WE do....I just wish society wasn't such a closed minded bitch!

      Subrina <3

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  4. I think it is so great that you worked out this internal conflict! I was going to say it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks as long as it works for both of you, but seems like I have no need to say that, even though I just said it lol.

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    1. HAHAHA Thanks Misty for commenting anyways.

      Subrina <3

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  5. This is my conflict and i'm no where near resolved on it. In fact, Master got in trouble at work because one of our conversations got flagged on the network and his boss couldn't believe that He would disrespect me this way. He tried to defend himself by saying this is something that we both agree to and we're not hurting anyone, etc. Since then, i've been more nervous about our friends and family finding out. TTWD is going to be obvious; it's a complete power switch...i was the more dominant person in our marriage. It's going to freak out people when i don't talk back to my husband, don't act like a smart ass, don't make all the decisions. i feel like we should be able to tell people and then just tell them to shut the fuck up if they have anything negative to say anything about it. i've had no problem telling people that i'm bisexual, so why can't i tell people about D/s? ugh.

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    1. Hi Scarlet!

      I think you're new to my blog....thanks so much for commenting. I love "meeting" new people, especially ones that share TTWD!

      I can totally relate to this. I was just like you.....and now that we have started TTWD I am completely different. There are times when I find myself falling back into past practice, but I really try and catch myself.

      That's an interesting question.....why can't you tell them about D/s?

      Subrina <3

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  6. Hi Subrina,

    Sorry I am late to this. I love this post. I think this internal conflict is very familar to all of us, and I love what you said in your last 2 paragraphs. Glad you seem to have figured it out :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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