Things are looking up! Mr. D (I kinda like calling him that!) and I talked about some of the issues I'm having. He is really trying and I think I am too. I guess you would have to ask him that! LOL
I didn't realize that he is just as nervous, scared, frustrated and confused as I am. He never tells me how he's feeling in all of this. I never know if I do things wrong or if he doesn't really like things I do. He just keeps plugging away and trying to please me.
But the crazy thing is he does feel all of that. He doesn't have the confidence that I think he should have. And I have also figured out it's all my fault! How is he ever going to build any confidence with his decisions if I keep second guessing him, if I don't trust him?
I know this sounds crazy but somewhere in my head I thought if I said "I want you to be the HOH, I want you to be a Dominant in our relationship" that he would just assume the role AND do it like I had pictured in my head. That because I asked him for this he would just figure it out. What a fool I am!
Gawd knows I haven't figured out how to be submissive, how the hell did I think he would figure out how to be the HOH?
This TTWD ain't for sissies!
We both have agreed to take small steps and take it day by day. I am going to try and not be a brat or question him and he is going to try and make more decisions and be confident with those decisions. This is something we both want and are both working towards the same goal. It's just going to take patience (a lot) and communication.