Wednesday, October 9, 2013

What A Fool

Things are looking up! Mr. D (I kinda like calling him that!) and I talked about some of the issues I'm having. He is really trying and I think I am too. I guess you would have to ask him that! LOL

I didn't realize that he is just as nervous, scared, frustrated and confused as I am. He never tells me how he's feeling in all of this. I never know if I do things wrong or if he doesn't really like things I do. He just keeps plugging away and trying to please me.

But the crazy thing is he does feel all of that. He doesn't have the confidence that I think he should have. And I have also figured out it's all my fault! How is he ever going to build any confidence with his decisions if I keep second guessing him, if I don't trust him?

I know this sounds crazy but somewhere in my head I thought if I said "I want you to be the HOH, I want you to be a Dominant in our relationship" that he would just assume the role AND do it like I had pictured in my head. That because I asked him for this he would just figure it out. What a fool I am!

Gawd knows I haven't figured out how to be submissive, how the hell did I think he would figure out how to be the HOH?

This TTWD ain't for sissies!

We both have agreed to take small steps and take it day by day. I am going to try and not be a brat or question him and he is going to try and make more decisions and be confident with those decisions. This is something we both want and are both working towards the same goal. It's just going to take patience (a lot) and communication.

Subrina <3
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10 comments:

  1. toriOctober 10, 2013 at 1:16 AM

    Im new to your blog, came accross yours via someone else i follow, so i dont know if what i say is relevant at all lol

    A different but effective way to communicate to sort of get an idea of where both are at is to separately write down 10 things that you think is important in your dynamic, or what you would like, dont want etc.

    Then sit down together, compare notes, similarities/differences, its an efffective way to bring about talking points, to try to establish a 'foundation' that your both happy with...it leaves no misunderstanding then of what your both aiming towards.

    anyway just my thoughts.

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    1. His_SubrinaOctober 10, 2013 at 6:13 PM

      Hi Tori!

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting, I appreciate your time!

      I love the idea of writing 10 things and then sharing. Since you haven't read my blog you don't know....I got some similar advice and we did that very early on. It didn't go like I thought it would but it did open up the lines of communication. And now that we are a little further into this, it might be a good idea to revisit that. I'm sure things would be different than our original lists!

      Thanks again for stopping by. Looking forward to more of your comments!

      Subrina <3

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  2. RozOctober 10, 2013 at 3:35 AM

    Hi Subrina,

    I love this post and you highlight an important point. Just as we struggle in our role and are unsure, especially early on, so is our HoH. We often expect him to just pick up the mantle and don't think about the fact that he needs to find his feet too.

    It takes time to cultivate a ttwd relationship, to develop trust and to figure out what works for you as a couple. It also takes patience, understanding and a lot of communication ... but you know that :) I love Tori's suggestion too. I would also add encourage each other and try to take note of the positive changes you do see.

    I think you are very wise to take things slowly step by step and let things naturally evolve.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. His_SubrinaOctober 10, 2013 at 6:15 PM

      Hi Roz!

      Thanks for the advice! I keep saying if this journey teaches me anything it will be patience and communication. But it can be so damn frustrating. I don't do patience well but I am learning!

      Subrina <3

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  3. AnonymousOctober 10, 2013 at 9:51 AM

    Best line of your post: "TTWD ain't for sissies!" LOL!

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  4. JuliaOctober 10, 2013 at 1:37 PM

    Haha, I love this post. It really bothered me at the beginning that DH wasn't more confident, but I finally understand him better. This is all one big journey to discovering who you are, who he is, and who you are together.
    I think I even have a label named confidence on my blog...

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    1. His_SubrinaOctober 10, 2013 at 6:17 PM

      Hi Julia!

      Thanks, glad you like it! Yea I am kinda of struggling with the confidence thing. But I get it, he needs to learn his role too. I told him today...."why can't it be like the books" and "he says cuz that's not real life, this is!" yeah yeah

      I am going to have to check out your "confidence" blog post!

      Subrina <3

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  5. MistyOctober 10, 2013 at 9:26 PM

    I think that all we can do is try and if something doesn't work then try another way.

    I've been thinking that I might talk to Mr. S about limiting our TTWD to a certain time, say 8pm until we wake up in the morning, or just Sat and Sun. I think it might be easier to start small and add time as we adjust, maybe? That way I would only expect it during that time (because right now I expect it ALL the time) and we can work on one thing at a time, like how to load the dishwasher. :)

    Thought I should mention that I'm not talking about anything sexual, that can happen whenever, we have no problems there.

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    1. His_SubrinaOctober 13, 2013 at 4:16 PM

      I understand what you're saying but I don't know if that would be enough. It makes a lot of sense WHY you want to do it, cuz I'm like you....I want it all the time and when he doesn't I can get a little bratty!

      Subrina <3

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