Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Realizing And Remembering

This is kind of a rambling post. I have a few things going on in my head and not sure how to deal with them. As a lot of you will probably agree....blogging really helps you work out the mess in your head! If you click exit I will totally understand. Sometimes I wish I could click exit! LOL

So, you're still here....well thank you for sticking around to hear read my bitch-fest! Grab some coffee and have a seat!

I have this texting rule, I am supposed to text him everyday at 11:30. Well this past weekend we got new phones....my old phone had an alarm set to remind me to text him at 11:30. I still am not familiar with this new stupid phone and hadn't figured out how to set the alarm. So need less to say I didn't text him on Monday.

Monday night we were laying in bed talking and I decided to tell him about the non text. Isn't that what any good sub would do?? I told him that I'm snitching myself off but I'm sorry I forgot to text you today. He says oh yeah...you didn't, did you?

What??? He didn't even realize that I didn't??? UGH

OK, so now I'm kinda mad because he didn't realize the non text and here I am telling on myself. Now I'm thinking what is the point of the rule if he's not even going to notice if I don't do it?

Yesterday the same thing happened. I still hadn't set my alarm and again I forgot to text him. I got busy at work and just didn't remember. Again, he doesn't realize or he just forgot too.

He was also upset with me because I guess I had a bratty attitude. I didn't think I did......ok well maybe I did. I did get a couple of warnings.....but that was it!

I guess I said something that pissed him off and he said a few things with a raised voice and walked out.

I'm not mad..... I'm more disappointed. I'm disappointed that he didn't realize the non texts. I'm disappointed that he accepted my bratty attitude AND he somewhat yelled and walked out.

About 15 mins later he came back into our room and laid down on the bed and told me to come lay with him. I really didn't want to but I did it anyway. He said that he was sorry and that I was right. He also said he was sorry for walking out but he still doesn't know how to handle me when I'm bratty. He says he's not sure how to react or what to do when I'm being disrespectful and mouthy. So we go back to the old ways. :/

But, I get it. I get that this is still pretty new for us and we are both still learning. We are both still trying to figure out our roles.

I talked to him today on his break and he informs me that I didn't text him yesterday either. AND that I had a bratty attitude with him yesterday.

Oh crap! But....so what! So what if I didn't text him? And? What's going to happen? He's just NOW realizing it....the next day? Whatever!

 He said that we will discuss it when we get home from work. I told him that he can't just come up with things after the fact. He needs to deal with stuff when it happens, not when he finally realizes or remembers. He told me to quit trying to talk him out of it, drop it. So I did!

11:30 rolls around and I sent him his text! I figured out how to set the damn alarm....WHEW!

When we get home from work I am totally expecting him to bring up the last couple of days. I'm kind of excited but also a little nervous. Excited to see how he is going to handle this....nervous to see how he is going to handle this!! LOL

But of course he doesn't. Nothing is said about the non text or my bratty attitude. Nothing!

I just read a blog today and she was wondering if  "is there a HOH club out there where they trade secrets?" Well I can tell you my hubby isn't in that club! But if there is, where can I register him??? LOL

Sometimes I feel I overwhelm him and expect way to much. But how long can you say "this is all still new" before it's not new anymore?

Subrina <3

12 comments:

  1. Since I don't know you or your husband, I may be misjudging this situation completely, but, purely from what you say, it sounds rather as if you are making the same kind of mistakes as I did.

    What I did was to not only tell my husband my feelings, but also to instruct him in how he should respond. Despite any general understanding we might have, this, combined with a level of 'bratty' resistance and defiance when I was feeling out of sorts, or in the heat of one of our 'moments', left him unsure of how far we was 'allowed' to go.

    No man wants to risk crossing the line into possible abuse by forcing things when he's not 100% sure whether his other half wants to have her defiance overridden and ignored.

    I don't pretend that things are perfect for us now and that we never have any of these 'standoff' moments or misunderstandings, but I can say that it definitely made a difference for me to consciously acquiesce in the small things, include him in plans and decisions that I've been used to making without consulting him or asking his feelings and, on those occasions when I did need to question, which everyone needs to do at times, doing so in a non challenging way and with a measure of deference and respect.

    The result for us is that he began gradually to become more convinced that I didn't only want the DD/Ds on my terms, but on his as well. While the whole change didn't happen overnight, small changes on his part became immediately apparent and it eventually came to the point where he felt 'enabled' to take charge whenever he perceived there to be a need and whatever my attitude at the time.

    Rosalind

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    1. Hi Rosalind!

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I really appreciate your input. You are on the outside looking in and when you comment it gives me a different perspective.

      I agree with you, I am definitely making that mistake and need to change it. Unfortunately I catch myself "telling" him what to do and then get mad at him and myself. I am the one that wanted this....I probably should change and act a little different if I expect him to change too.

      Again, thank you so much for commenting!

      Subrina <3

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  2. Hi Subrina,
    I know it's frustrating. It took us a long time for both of us to really get the hang of this. He just recently started stepping up and we've been doing this for 11 months. My bratty attitude probably is the hardest for him to feel comfortable to deal with but after a few times he is much more comfortable.

    I remember I finally gave up in my own mind, kinda had the thought process of "it is what it is" . Once I did this, stopped talking about it, thought all of this would just fade away, that's when he stepped in and became very hoh'y.

    I'm sorry I don't have great words of wisdom for you but I'm sure someone will.
    Hugs,
    Kim

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    1. Hi Kim!

      Thank you for your comments. I really didn't realize how tough this was going to be. It is a total life change and I know I am expecting way to much way to soon. Just as I am learning I need to remember he is too. It has been about 6-7 months for us and we have a long way to go. I know he will get more comfortable with time and it would probably help if I did my part and stopped acting like such a brat!

      Please don't be sorry...I appreciate your time and comments. It confirms that I'm not alone in this and the mistakes I'm making are some of the mistakes that others have made too.

      Subrina <3

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  3. As you know I have no idea what I'm talking about but I will comment anyway, lol. My thinking is that if he doesn't care than maybe you shouldn't either. Yes, he needs to stand behind his rules but hes the boss.
    Keep in mind that if the pages were turned on me I would probably be just as disappointed and I would've wrote the same thing. In fact I'm sure I will and you can give me back my advice :)
    I think you did the right thing by telling him that you were sorry for not texting. Maybe ask him why he didn't do anything about it??? In the nicest way possible of course.

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    1. Hi Misty!

      LOL.....you do pretty good for being so new to this! I appreciate your comments and glad that you keep coming back!!

      That is my biggest complaint....standing behind his rules. I don't like when he doesn't follow through or stick to his guns.

      Just FYI....we did talk about it and both discovered a couple of things. I am going to post about it. It's amazing what you can learn when you communicate!!

      Subrina <3

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    2. Communication... So easy but yet so hard.

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  4. Hi Subrina,

    I can totally relate to this, I have been there. We have texting rules too and have been through the exact same thing. Sometimes he would notice and call me out on it and spank me for it, others he would notice but no say anything and other times wouldn't even notice.

    I agree with Rosalind. She sid it well. I hope you are able to talk this through with your husband. Hang in there!

    Hugs,
    Roz

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  5. Hi Roz!

    It's so frustrating when he doesn't follow through. It makes me feel like he just doesn't care. I know that's not the case...but that's how I feel.

    We did talk this through and are working on it.

    Thanks for stopping by!

    Subrina <3

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  6. Just becareful on what you ask for. Sir gave me a rule, one i pushed the boundaries many times. He didn't address it right away, and i kept pushing the boundaries. One day, i pushed too far, and was then informed punishment day would be happening. i was confused, i felt i really didn't break the rules just pushed the boundaries. Punishment day sucked! It definitely did what He wanted-to align His expectations with my behavior. I definitely have watched my "bratty" attitude. You may or may not want him to join that HOH club. lol Good luck as you two figure this out.

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    1. Thank you for your input. I have often thought about that....watch what you wish for!! But I guess I won't know until it actually happens. And then I will probably be posting and whining..why did I ask for this, I don't want to do this anymore HAHAHAHA

      Subrina <3

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