Saturday, August 10, 2013


Since we have started this journey I have often thought, who is this change harder for? Who has to make the biggest changes? Who has to make the sacrifices? He is not a single Dom looking for a sub, I am not a single sub looking for a Dom. There are no interviews, no searches, no getting-to-know you, no contracts. We are a married couple that knows the other one very well, are very comfortable with each other but most of all, we are absolutely in love with each other.


Who is it harder for?

The Dominant/HOH/Sir

The submissive

Neither one of us knows much about the lifestyle, I more than him. Neither one of us have ever been in a TTWD or D/s relationship. We are just learning as we go using the internet, books and blogland for guidance.

BTW.....thank you fellow bloggers......
OK, where was I?

There is 19 years of past practice. We have established roles in our relationship. One more dominant than the other.

So my question is.....who is it harder for?

The Dominant, who has never really been dominant. Who has always followed the lead, who has treated his wife like a queen and given her anything and everything. Who has allowed her to take the lead and is comfortable with the way things are/were. Who allows her to speak to him in any way, make most of the decisions, take care of the finances and the disciplining of the kids.


The submissive, who has never really been a submissive. Who has always taken the lead, made most of the family decisions, has taken care of the finances and has disciplined the kids. Who has spoken to him disrespectfully and has not always put him first.

So, how do they change? Can they change, can they have this D/s relationship? How do they reverse the roles without completely crumbling their foundation? How does he lead her confidently and with conviction? How does she give up control, when she's always been in control?

We definitely have the love! Looking forward to the rest of it!

I think its equal. Each has their own difficulties and challenges to deal with. One, no more than the other. If they each work on self discovery, make changes within and work together, anything is possible.

Subrina <3


  1. Hi Subrina,
    I love your post, it sure does make you think. I do think that it is work and challenging on both HOH and submissive.

    1. Hi Kim! Thanks for your comments. I also think that if the husband has always been more dominant then of course it will be easier....but there will still be challenges. It's a new lifestyle and old habits are hard to break.

  2. I don't think it is even comparable, so it doesn't really matter, at least that is how we look at it. The things you wrote about both of you sound very similar to how we used to be, and DH still struggles with it sometimes. But it seems we work best when my submission feeds from his dominance and vice versa.

    1. Hi Julia! Thanks for your reply. I agree, both roles feed off of each other, but I think it's more difficult to be submissive when the other isn't being dominant. It can be a vicious cycle bit as long as you work together and are both on board, it will work itself out. I am also learning that you can never communicate enough!
      Subrina <3