Sunday, August 18, 2013

Breakthroughs, Realizations and Fears, Oh My!

The weekend is over and as you know (if you have read my blog) we just celebrated our anniversary. Hubby and I went out to dinner on Friday and had a really nice dinner, just the two of us. Then we went down to the beach and walked around for a little while. We found a quiet place to sit and shared a caramel apple and just spent the evening talking. We both really opened up to each other, explaining our fears, our wants and just this whole TTWD. It was amazing!

We both learned quite a bit about each other, which kind of surprised me. We have been together so long and have been really close for so long, I just kind of assumed that we knew just about everything. Well, let me just tell you how wrong I was. I really appreciated him opening up and being honest with me about certain things.

Hubby is always trying to protect me, in more ways than one. He usually wont tell me exactly how he feels because he's afraid he's going to hurt my feelings. I explained to him that if this is going to work he needs to be completely open and honest. He can't be afraid to hurt my feelings by how he feels. He understood but still didn't seem to comfortable with it.

Lately Hubby has not been sleeping well. It's been about a month that he has had sleepless nights, tossing and turning, even a little on edge. I kept asking him if there was anything bothering him and he would always say no, not that he knew of. I knew better. I knew something was bothering him I just needed him to figure it out. Well Saturday morning he had a lil meltdown breakthrough.

Hubby was so frustrated and stressed out about life happenings. He said that he is stressed out about money, the kids, about us and just everything. The kids stress I understood, the money stress I understood, the us stress, well I was a little concerned. Not a kind of concern that our relationship was in jeopardy, but a concern that I knew was coming.

Ever since I came to him with TTWD or D/s, I have had a concern that this was going to overwhelm him. I always felt like what I was asking was going to put way to much pressure on him. Well, I was right. He told me that not only is this all new for him but he knows nothing about it and this is something he has to learn. He said he is so afraid to disappoint me. With every decision he makes he is always thinking "is she going to think this is Dom of me" or "is she going to question me" or "is she going to trust me". WOW! OMG What have I done?

I just recently read a GREAT blog post on A Dauntless Journey titled "The Fear of a Dominant". He gives such a great perspective on a Dom's point of view. I never realized that HE would have fears and what those fears would be. I just ASSumed (there's that damn word again UGH) that I would tell him what I wanted and he would just figure it out and do it. It never occurred to me that he would have his own set of issues to deal with. There are times when they're not exactly sure what to do or how to do. Here we are asking them to lead us and guide us and then ASSume they just know how to do it.

Now I'm thinking, have I put so much pressure on him about TTWD that it has him this stressed out? So I did what any normal loving wife would do.......I started to cry. I felt so guilty and so bad for him I didn't know what else to do. Of course he told me not to cry and everything would be ok, but UGH I just felt so bad. I never want him to feel stressed out or upset and especially because of me!

We had a long talk and he said he likes this new lifestyle and is excited to see where we go with it. He also said that he feels closer to me than he ever has. WHEW...that made me smile. I just need to give him time to change past practice and learn some new things. He is getting much better at TTWD or D/s. He even admitted that he likes when I call him Sir, so I think I will have to start doing that more.

Since our talk, I find my self really trying to please him, even more than before. I'm not just talking about sex (I mean, seriously that's just a given!!!) but just in everyday life. I also have noticed that since our talk he has really taking on his Dom role and has even learned a look! I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about....and when I get that look, I don't know, something inside just clicks and I completely change my attitude.

He also confessed that he likes giving me rules and things to do. I always do what I'm told and haven't broken any rules. He said that he keeps giving me more rules just hoping that I will break one so he can show me that he is serious about this. I laughed and told him that I think the same thing, I want to break one of the rules just to see if he will follow through or not. But how healthy can that be?

I'm am so happy with our progress and am even more excited for our TTWD future. I am finally realizing that I need to do this at his pace, he is leading and guiding us. I have also learned that in this, you take one step forward and a couple back. As long as after those couple of steps back, we move forward, then everything will be just fine.

Subrina <3

8 comments:

  1. Hi Subrina,
    Happy anniversary! I'm glad you two had a wonderful evening out. Don't you just love those long, intimate talks? You really do learn so much more about each other and it's so great when you both open up. Everyone has different fears and I'm glad he opened up and told you about his. I think this is definitely two steps forward for you!
    Hugs,
    Kim

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    1. Hi Kim!
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I absolutely love those talks, unfortunately they are few and far between. But I do treasure them when they happen. I think you're right and I will take those 2 steps!Subrina <3

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  2. Well that does sound like you guys had a lovely anniversary. Isn't it amazing how when you take everyday life out of it, you can actually talk for hours?

    Sounds like you also gained a bit more perspective on what this change means for him, I think this is great!

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    1. Hi Julia!
      Thanks for the comments! We did have a great time. I love spending time with him and having those deep meaningful talks. Just when you think you know everything....BAM. It's like dating and getting to know him all over again.

      OMG Julia....I learned so much this past weekend, but I think the biggest thing I learned is that I need to take this at his pace and let him lead us. I need to stop pushing him into this and let him figure it out. He is not a character in a book!

      Subrina <3

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  3. Hi Subrina,

    Happy Anniversary! I'm glad you had such a lovely night. Glad too that you had these discussions and have gained some understanding of each other's perspective. That's awesome! Communication is so important. It's funny isn't it, we look to them to lead and don't think about that fact that they may have their own worries and fears, but they do.

    It sounds as though you guys are doing great. Keep up the great job you've been doing on communicating :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz!
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I always thought we communicated pretty well, but since trying TTWD I am learning that we didn't communicate at all. I had no idea that when I brought this to him that he would have fears and doubts. I just figured he would just do it. How dumb of me! This is definitely a learning process for us both and I'm glad that we get to do it together!

      Thanks for the kind words

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  4. Replies
    1. HI Misty!
      Thanks for stopping by. You're welcome, I hope that my learning process helps others as well. I know the blogs that I read definitely help me out. It also is a confirmation that I'm not completely alone in how I feel or think or just plain crazy!

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