Sunday, March 3, 2013


Yesterday D and I chaperoned our middle sons high school to their drum line competition. These are looooong days (12+ hours) and we always have a lot of down time. After our sons school performed, the trailer was loaded and everyone had eaten, we had about 4 hours until awards. D and I wondered around looking at stuff and talking. Our conversation was heading towards this journey we are taking! YAY!!

We talked for a looong time and were both very open and honest with each other. For the first time he really opened up and told me what he thought of this whole thing. He is excited for where we are heading and thinks that this is not only going to help us in our personal relationship but also in our regular lives. I can't even tell you how happy and excited I was to be having this conversation and hearing the things that he was saying.

He shared with me some of the things that he has read and what he took from that. He said that he learns A LOT from my own blog, which I found kinda funny. But I guess it makes sense, and I was kinda glad that he was reading it. But all in all he is ready to continue this and really thinks this will work. He wants to make it work, and not just because I want him to...he wants to do this too!!! BUT...he wants to do this at his own pace and take things slow. Yea I know....patience! OK OK  I got it...but to me this was HUGE and I couldn't have been happier, I will be patient!

Because of work and just life happening we haven't really had a chance to have sex or be alone with each other. So we talked about it and decided when we got home, if we weren't too tired, tonight was going to be the night! WOO HOO!!!!! But Awards weren't until 9:00 (BTW they took 7th out of 18 and brought their score up 2 points!!!!!!) and then we had about an hour drive home. Once we got back to the school the trailer had to be unloaded and then of course we had kids to drop off. It wasn't lookin too good but I had hope!

So your probably wondering what the picture above is about? Your probably thinking that our night alone was not to be?'re wrong! We had our night and OMG what a night it was! I'm not going to go into details but let's just say he is learnin some stuff!

I don't know what happened but while having an orgasm I started crying. (hence the picture) It has happened once before (recently) and it scared him, me too for that matter. He thought he had done something wrong, and I was a little confused. Confused at what was going on inside, what I was feeling and thinking, and not exactly sure why it was happening. I wasn't sad or mad.....matter of fact I was feeling pretty damn good!!! But for me, it was Uncontrollable. I couldn't stop. The tears just came. Last night the same thing happened. It was a little different than before, this time not only was it uncontrollable but it was a heavy gasping cry. Like when a child has been crying for a while and they have that "catching their breath" cry. Does that even make sense?

Anyway, here I was feeling so damn good but yet I was crying. He just crawled up me and held me. He kept saying "it's ok baby, just take some deep breaths". He rocked me and rubbed my head and back until I calmed down. After I caught my breath and calmed down he asked me if I was ok. I told him I was fine. We fixed the bed, he kissed me and held me a little while longer until I fell asleep.

So here I am today....still a little confused. Now that I have had a little time to think about what I was feeling it makes a little (very little) more sense. The feelings were soooooo raw and sooooooo strong it's hard to describe. I think I just fell in love all over again! And maybe even a little deeper. Didn't know that was possible, D and I are extremely close and I didn't think we could even get any closer or feelings be any stronger. WOW was I wrong!!

Subrina <3


  1. Very nice to see that things are proceeding and moving forward. As for crying, it's not at all a bad thing. In fact it's a very good thing. IT is you opening up to him and this. It's the raw emotions and feelings. It means you are letting go completely, which enables it to all come flowing out. From a my perspective, this is a beautiful thing and something I love to see happen. Not all the time, but at times...without a doubt. It means she is letting go and allowing herself to feel. Letting the emotion of what we have pour out. It's more tears of joy and happiness than anything. Finding yourself and being able to be who you are. Don't be afraid of it...embrace it. He will, and did, do a great job of comforting you and getting you through it. It's likely his opening up to you so much about all this that enabled you to get to that point last night. You are each seeing the beauty of D/s and what it can involve from a deep emotional connection standpoint. Be happy and be making great strides together.


    1. Thank you so much for the comments DV!!! I didn't really think it was a bad thing, it was just confusing at the time. I also think he did a GREAT job...but then I think he's amazing anyways!! :) I am proud and like I said...I do feel somewhat of a deeper connection, didn't even know that was possible. If this is any indication of how this D/s is going to go....OH MAN I can't wait!!!!

  2. Oh Subrina,

    Yes those tears....I have been there too myself...and DV explained it beautifully. I am so very happy to read this and very excited for yall! Looks like yall are definitely headed in the right direction! Yay:)

    Hugs to you!! (((((((Subrina))))))))


    1. Thank you Belle!
      The tears were a little scary at first, just because I wasn't sure why they were happening...but let me tell you it sure was AMAZING!!! I am sooo excited for where we seem to be heading. I know there will be some set backs and I need to be a little more patient, but WOW!!

      Hugs to you!

  3. Subrina,
    This is beautiful. I'm so thrilled for you. Let me ask you, afterward did you feel like you'd just been cleansed, like a washing over of your insides? Perhaps also like a little bit of a burden or weight feels as if it washed away? Maybe you feel a little lighter? It's part of the letting go, the opening up. It's both scary and soothing at the same time. There is more trust between you which is exciting, exhilarating in that some of what you were carrying you freely hand to him and it lets you breathe a little more; you handed him a part of yourself. But also scary because its always a bit unnerving when we hand over control; especially if we’ve carried it a long time. These moments used to be more on the scary side for me at first; now they don’t happen as often, but when they do, they are definitely more on the soothing side.

    1. Thank you Jacquie for commenting! To answer your the time I wasn't sure what I was feeling but confused. After I had time to process everything I did feel a little relief. But the thing I felt most was this strange connection with D. From reading the comments and things I have found on other blogs I kinda understand it...but it's all still pretty fresh.

      I have said a MILLION times that D and I are soooo in love and sooo close that I really didn't think we could get any closer or be anymore in love. But this feels like a different kind of love and closeness, if that makes any sense! This happened a few times when him and I were first together.....but this was different. I don't even know how to describe it, but I'm sure some of you get what I'm trying to say.

  4. if you think about it, it actually makes sense that he would learn the most from your blog. TTWD is a journey about becoming closer and happier, from other blogs he learn skills, but from your blog he will learn about you. Really that is what it is about

    1. Thank you Sir J for your comment. You're right, he does learn a lot from me reading what I have to say because it's easier for me to write here than to talk to him. I'm working on that...but for now here is where I put it out there.