Sunday, March 24, 2013
Who Is In Charge
I really liked this when I read it. It seemed so appropriate for our journey. We are trying to find our place in TTWD. At times I fight him for control, not realizing I'm doing it, and other times I'm trying to force the control down his throat. Why can't this be simple, just like I had visioned it in my head?
Me ~ "Honey, I want you to be the HOH, be in control, make all of the decisions. You lead, I will follow"
Him ~ "OK babe. I got this!"
And all is right in the world!
Hasn't quite worked out like that. Silly me for thinking this was going to be a cake walk.
We are trying to get out of our 18 year habits in our relationship. Man that's not easy. When he makes me mad I go with what I know, and so does he for that matter. That's when the arguing starts. I am trying to be more aware of when this happens and dammit am I trying to control myself and not act like I have in the past. Sometimes I catch myself and then other times it gets out of control.
Someone suggested that when we are arguing to stop what is happening, go to our room (since we don't live alone), close the door and kneel in front of him. What would this do for our situation? Would it help me get it the right "headspace"? Would it help him realize his responsibility/role in our relationship? These are very good questions! So I did what anyone would do......I communicated! I know, I can't believe it either....but if I have learned one thing from this community is YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!!!!!
Dominic and I have talked about kneeling, spanking, calling him sir before.....every time those subjects get brought up he gets this look on his face and says he doesn't want to do that. I am his wife not his child. OK I get that, I'm not really into that stuff either (yet!) So I went to Dominic and asked him those very questions. Remember, most of what he knows about this lifestyle is what I have told him or read to him. He has done a little (very little) research on his own!!
Me ~ "What would you think if when we argue, we would go to our bedroom and I would kneel in front of you?"
Him ~ "Really? OK, yea that sounds good"
Me ~ "Really?" *mouth hit the floor* are you kidding me?
Him ~ "Yea why not? Am I missing something?"
Me ~ "You do realize that kneeling has nothing to do with sex right?"
Him ~ "What? You mean you wont be on your knees to give me a blow job?"
Me ~ LMAO "No, it has nothing to do with sex! It's a gesture to put me in a submissive state and you in a more dominant state. It makes you superior."
Him ~ "Oh!" And there's that look of disgust!
Me ~ "OK, so by the look on your face this isn't something you want to do?"
Him ~ "I told you before your my wife, not my child. I only want you on your knees for one thing"
Just as I thought. I asked him how do we get past the arguing and me being disrespectful when I'm mad. He said just dont do it! HA I do realize that I need to make changes to myself but I am looking to him for guidance and for him to not put up with my shit!!!! UGH! I told him when I act like that he needs to put a stop to it and there needs to be consequences to my actions.
At this point neither one of us is into spanking outside of playing. He REALLY isn't into discipline. So I said it sounds like we are at a dead end right now. He said he isn't going to discipline me and especially by spanking! I said there are other ways to discipline, you just have to think outside of the box. I had some ideas, because I do research, but I didn't want to share them with him.....he was going to be using these on me! He said well, I don't want to take sex away from you because that would be punishing me. I just smiled at him and kind of gave him this look. He paused, thought about what he had said, and OMG, I actually saw the light bulb go off!!!!!! haha He said OK OK I know what to do.
Now, am I happy about this little revelation? Yes, extremely...because he is thinking about it, he is trying to figure this thing out. Am I looking forward to what he might have in store for me? HELL NO!!! But maybe if I know that there will be a consequence to my actions I will stop acting like a brat! Now the real test begins.......am I going to stop acting like I have been? Is he going to actually stick to his guns and enforce the discipline? I'm not sure, but I think this is going to be a loooooooong work in progress!
I love the comments, suggestions and advice. It really does help us try to figure this thing out. We may not agree with everything that is said or it may not work for us, but we do like what you have to say. For me, it really helps open up the dialogue for us. BTW, Dominic does read my blog, so you can leave him comments too!