This past week has been a busy week for us. We are trying to get a car and have had sooooo many stupid problems with silly things. Life is just happening and it seems to be taking a toll on us.
Yesterday Dominic came home from work a little on edge. He just didn't seem right, something was bothering him. I asked him and he said nothing, I'm just tired. Not once this week have I got to come home from work and get undressed and relax. As soon as I get home we are back out the door for one thing or another, I'm just tired. OK, I get it, I can accept that.
While cooking dinner together last night he was frustrated and was snapping at everyone, including me. Remember, we have 18 years of past practice that we are trying to change, so when these situations come up we go with what we know. I'm sure you can guess how this is going to play out. Yup, it didn't go to well. He was snapping, I was pissed so I snapped back, he snapped at one of the boys so I snapped back, again! And so on and so on. UGH!
We did end the night going to bed together and not fighting. I fell asleep right away and all was good. I called him this morning when I got to work and we talked about last night. We talked about how neither one of us liked how we acted and reacted. He said that he was just tired and frustrated. I told him that NOW when he acts like that I kinda get a little scared. If he can't control his own emotions how the hell is he going to control anything. It just makes me think that there is no possible way that we are going to be able to pull of this lifestyle. I said that I realized I was wrong for thinking that and I did apoligize to him for acting like that.
All in all it was a really good talk. I was happy with the way it went and that we were able to talk things through. I have been having some problems at work and it just kinda came to a head today. The thing is, I have only been with this company 3 months, I backed into a pole and did some damage to the bus and then got promoted to supervisor!! Needless to say there were some pissed off people at work!!! I am a very friendly person and try to treat people with kindness and repect, expecting them to do the same. Well it doesn't always work like that and not everyone is like me.
So I call Dominic and tell him about my work drama. He is always supportative and thinks that I can do anything. Today was no different except for how he handled his crying wife on the phone. I guess I was making excuses for things that were going wrong and I think he got a little mad.
Me - "I wasn't trained properly so when things come up I'm not sure how to handle them"
Him - "Are you kidding me?? You were a clsoing manager of a store, you supervised an entire store and closed it every night, why can't you do this?"
Me - "I'm not sure what to do or how to handle things. Nobody has really showed me how things work here. I'm just kind of left to figure it out on my own"
Him - "Thats crazy! This is going to stop right now! You need to put your big girl panties on and be the supervisor that I know you can be, do you hear me? This stops now!"
Can I just say that my heart melted when he said that. He was so in control and so demanding. That was new and damn did I like it.
Me - "OK" *sniffling* Man he sure does think I can do this
I have been kinda pouting all day, not in a very good mood. Work is really pissing me off and I think I'm more pissed off at myself. I know I can do this but I always sabotage it. I have absoutely no confidence in myself. I need to change this! And I think Dominic is trying to help me.
We both get home from work and guess what? Yup, we started all over again with the bickering. He mentioned it right before I was going to bed. He didn't like how we had been acting the last couple of days and wants it to stop. I do to but for some reason I am acting like a brat! UGH! I think maybe it's the whole power exchange thing......maybe we are both battling for it. I don't know!
I know we will get passed this, but I sure don't like how it is right now. Man 18 years is sooo hard to change, and it doesn't help that I'm an inpatient little brat!!!! Things need to change and I think we need to talk. We need to figure this out and move past this nonsense.