Sunday, December 8, 2013

Hmmmmm That's New

I haven't written in a while. I have been having a hard time lately. OK wait, who am I kidding, I have been having a hard time from the gate! I think I have this submissive thing figured out, even just a little and then I realize I have no clue! UGH

It's the same ol same ol. I don't think he's being very "dommy" and then I feel like I can't be submissive if he's not doing his part. It's a vicious cycle. I have been talking to a fellow blogger and she has given me such great advice. (Thank you so much I don't know what I would do without you!) Do I always listen....of course not. I think I know everything and can figure it out on my own. HAHAHAHA What a joke!

You need to work on your submission and stop worrying what he's doing. You need to learn that submission is not about what you want when you want's what you need when you need it. And that my friend is up to him. You think he's not being "dommy" your eyes and pay attention. He is, your just not seeing it. You want everything right now, on your time.

A couple of nights ago Mr. D wanted me to suck his cock and it was going to be just for him. I was only to please him. (I know, we've been here before) OK, I have no problem with this. I really don't. But I fought him. I didn't want to do it. I was tired and it was kind of late, I just wanted to go to sleep. I pleaded my case but he was having none of it. UGH whatever! I finally did what he asked and when I was done (well, he was done!) I had this strange feeling. This strange feeling of peace. I felt so at ease, so happy that I had pleased him. And I didn't want anything in return. Hmmm that's new!

Later we talked about it and he said that I'm very selfish. I always want things my way, when I want them and how I want them. (Well, DUH! I'm an only child and the oldest grandchild) He said I need to learn to be more giving and do things to please him just for the sake of pleasing him. Not trying to get something out of it. OK he acting "dommy"? Is he telling me something that I don't want to hear? Is he telling me something that might hurt my feelings? Is he taking control and trying to teach me? Hmmmm that's new!

Here I am thinking that he doesn't act like a Dom or HOH. He doesn't really want to do this, he's just doing it because I want him to. He only does it for a little while when I have brought it up. And then he goes and does something like this. Hmmm that's new!

I guess I just need to pay more attention!

Subrina <3


  1. i get something figured out and then it seems something else comes undone. So i can relate. But it's a journey not a 100m dash. The things that are truly worth something in life are meant to be easy. That way we value them more when we achieve them. (my two cents worth anyways). She's right that it's not about what you want when you want it. i bash my head up against that one on a regular basis but i'm learning. When i'm really struggling with something, Master has me write it down on a piece of paper and carry it with me. Then every time I pass a mirror, i have to pull it out and read it to myself. It really helps cement the point in my brain.

    1. Thank you for your 2 cents...I appreciate it. You're right, things that are worth something aren't meant to be easy.....and this sure ain't easy!! That's an interesting way of cementing the point.

  2. How right your friend is! but I get how hard it is to work on your submission when you don't feel you are being dominated.

    Here's what I'm thinking. You say this is a vicious cycle, and you're right, it is a cycle, but don't think of it as vicious. Think of it as a cycle that can work to your advantage; if you act as you should, you will get what you want. How should you act? Simple, the way he wants you to act. You have been with him long enough to know what he likes... do it. When you mess up, do it better next time. You are there for him, to please him, not the other way around.

    You still have this "idea" of how he should be... stop doing that!... he is acting just as he should, which is the way he wants... even if that means being undommy.

    I'm so glad to read your post! You should write more often.

    1. It can be really hard when you don't feel his dominance. But I have tried her advice and it does work. It's just not MY way!!

      Thank you so much for commenting. You're right, I have been with him long enough to know what he wants.....still doesn't make it easy.

      HAHAHA...the idea! Yea I do have this "vision" of what I think it is and that's what keeps kicking my ass!!!! I'm learning, unfortunately it's the hard way.

      I would like to write more but sometimes I just don't know what or how to say things. But thank you for your kind words.

  3. Isn't it interesting though how if you want something, you're being selfish, but if he wants something, he's not being selfish,

  4. Hi Tiklish!
    Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
    Very interesting!!!