I haven't been on here in a while. I have been reading all of your blogs but really didn't have much to say myself. We are still trying to work on this D/s thing but not having much luck. I know I am supposed to be patient but damn...how patient do I have to be. It's been over 6 months since I brought this to him and not much has changed. I am really beginning to think this just isn't going to work for us. Many of you have told me that I need to work on my submission and it will bring out the Dom in him.....not so much. It's very hard to be submissive when your not feeling the Dom on the other end. We seem to have this conversation when he sees I'm getting frustrated or mad. He will ask me what's wrong and we will get into the conversation. Promises will be made and all is good for about a week...and then it's right back to the same ol shit. He keeps telling me this is all new to him and isn't easy for him, ok I get it.....but it's not gonna be easy if you put little to no effort into it. He says he doesn't know exactly what to do or how to act. I've told him to reach out, ask questions, do research....does he? NO! He wants me to figure it all out and tell him what to do/how to act. Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of this???? He refuses to reach out because he doesn't want to look like a fool. I told him, how are you going to learn if you don't ask questions. He says, well is there like a class I can go to?? Yea, DOM 101 at the local JC. UGH! I want to feel his confidence, his control, his conviction when he says something. I feel like anytime he makes a decision he is looking for my approval. I told him that whatever he decides that's what will be. He has put in a couple of rules....one of them was for me to text him everyday (mon-fri) at 11:30, I would put 11:30.....and then say whatever I wanted, I just had to text him. I drive for a living and it can be very hard to do it at 11:30. But I set the alarm on my phone to remind me and sometimes I would write the text early and just not send it until my alarm went off. I did this faithfully for a lil over a month. I missed a day because of work and I was nervous when I got home wondering what he would say or do. I get home and don't mention it and neither does he!!!! WTH really. Ok so the next day same thing happens, I just couldn't get it done. I get home really nervous because it's been 2 days that I haven't done it and again.....nothing! It's been over 3 weeks since I have text him at 11:30 and he has yet to say anything about it. How can I trust him when he doesn't/wont follow through with things. What have I done? I created this and now I want him to change.....what is wrong with me? I really thought this was going to be so much easier than it is. UGH! I am sooooo frustrated with this whole thing, but want it soooo bad. There are times when I've told him just forget it. We'll just go back to the way it was. He will panic and say no, we're going to work on this and all is right in the world.....for about a week! I can't keep having the same conversation and getting the same results. I just want him to STEP UP, be the HOH, be the Dom, take control. When I'm being bratty, put a stop to it, don't allow it. When I won't talk, make me talk. When I don't want to do something, push me. Is that really to much to ask? Maybe I'm just not submissive, maybe this isn't working because of ME.
Sorry for my rant, I'm just so frustrated and I'm just not sure where to go from here. He keeps saying he's willing to do this but shit isn't changing!