Friday, April 12, 2013

Things are changing

I haven't posted in a while. Not because I don't have much to say....I think it's quite the opposite. I have a lot to say but I feel I would be rambling. My thoughts are all over the map right now so I feel like there would be no "flow' to my posts! Like that's gonna stop me!! LOL Let me apologize now!

Dominic and I are still plugging along. We have been reading some blogs together and trying to figure out what works for us and what doesn't. I am still amazed at how difficult this can be at times. I have said before that I had this vision in my head of how it was going to be and how easy I thought it was going to be, but it's just not like that. I will say that we have been getting closer/deeper and we are communicating a lot more. I was just telling him today that if anything has come out of this journey that we are on, it is we communicate so much more and on such a more honest and deeper level.

We were finally able to have sex today (after a little over a week) and it was really intense, for me! I cried again but this time he didn't react like the last time. He just kind of left me to cry for a few minutes and then hugged me. He said he was afraid he hurt me and that's why I was crying. He was confused and was kind of upset and said he didn't like this at all. We finished, got dressed and had some errands to do. I was feeling frustrated because of the way he reacted to me. So, I brought it up!

I was nervous to say anything but I'm glad I did. I learned he was scared that he did something wrong or hurt me. He said that my cry was a different cry, not a passionate cry like the last time. I had no idea, all I know is I couldn't stop it. I tried. I really did, but the tears just kept coming. He didn't know what to do so he kind of just let me cry it out. I told him that I would have liked him to cuddle with me until I was done crying and then we could have continued, talked about it after and all would have been good. Then he said he was sooo confused because when we had our date night, I had said that I liked that he just let me cry and continued with the conversation, he didn't baby me. UGH! Now here I am crying and he thinks that's what I wanted. We talked about it (which I was sooooo grateful for) and worked out what we both wanted to happen the next time this happens.

I also learned today that he is really taking me serious now. He admitted that he thought it was just a fantasy or phase that I was going through (due to 50 Shades!!!) and that it was going to go away. I asked him what made  him change his mind....he said that I keep bringing it up and keep pursuing it. He figured out about a week ago that I was not just going through a phase, that I was serious and that he probably needed to step up his game!

On a completely different note.....I wanted to say THANK YOU! Thank you to everyone of you that we have reached out to, that has given us advice, comments or suggestions. When we started this we were absolutely clueless, we still are, but with the help and input of all of you, you really have helped us make sense of all of this. It amazes me how open and honest (so it seems) that everyone is and so willing to share their stories. But most importantly, nobody judges you in this community! No matter what your likes and dislikes are, how kinky or not kinky you are, everyone is so helpful and accepting. That is soooo rare and I, personally, am so grateful and thankful that all of you are here! So THANK YOU!

Subrina <3


  1. first in my experience the very best thing that comes out of this for a married couple is increased communication and a deeper feeling of "us" so good for you two.

    Second I think the crying happens when emotions are high and feelings run deep and I also believe it is a fairly normal thing to experience. You go ahead and cry and he should go ahead and hold you and it will all work out.

    1. Thank you Sir J for your comments and support. It has definitely stepped up our communication. I do feel a deeper connection to him and it feels like I'm falling in love all over again! Not a bad thing at all!!

      This time when the crying happened it didn't scare me or confuse me much. I pretty much understood why it was happening. It was he didn't understand. But now that we have communicated I think the next time it happens (and I'm sure it will)we will both handle it much better.

  2. DH thought this was a 50 Shades of Grey phase too, but has slowly understood that while I found out about submissives in that book, it is not because of that book.
    Keep communicating, read some blogs together. Do you know this one?
    My husband also wrote one, called How to Spank your Wife that has helped some couples....

    1. Julia, thank you for the comments! I am going to check out the site and see what I can learn. Do you have a link to your husbands??